Today I would like to ponder the phenomenon of
liking people who do not like you back.
Why does this always happen? Is it Fate's cruel way of keeping me and everyone else this happens to single and miserable?
I liked Him for nine months. I probably even loved him, I would have done anything for him. I don't think he ever fully felt the same way about me, even though we dated for a while. I would have given my right arm to have him for as long as I wanted. Very obviously, life doesn't work like this. I never got him back, only now do I realize that I don't want him.
After him I dated many guys. All of them found me attractive and liked me, but I could not feel the same way. Maybe it's because they actually liked me? It would have been too easy and perfect to like them back. One of them, Jamie, keeps calling me and asked me to be his Valentine. I had to resist urges to tell him to finally fuck off and hang up the phone and change my number. Another, Mike, is really nice so I didn't know how to break my lack of feelings to him. I took the easy way out and wrote him an e-mail, which I wouldn't recommend doing. He took the news well but I still regret not having the guts to actually talk to him about it.
Now I have a new boyfriend, Josh, who I really like. I thought he liked me. He said I was beautiful and said that I make him happy. I thought I had actually found someone who I could have a relationship with. But then he got sick and stopped returning my phone calls. And we had a really shitty Valentine's day. I don't even know if he considers me a girlfriend, and he won't be back for four days. I'm thinking that if I had never allowed myself to be interested, he would be interested in me. I hate how that works, I'm miserable and alone. He better like me or I'm going to cry, again.