We had just received the packages that we had ordered from ...Of The Jungle. It's an ethnobotanical warehouse to lawyers and others involved in lies. To your typical stoner/college student it is the glorious possibility of drugs delivered in the mail. Not just a bag from out west shoved into gourmet coffee,
"Is this Prosound Inc.?"
"Yes it is, UPS guy, and I am indeed James K. Polk."
This was 'legal drugs' shipped to you in clearly labeled packaging, announcing to the world that you are about to get your drink, smoke, whatever on. Well thefez and I thought that was slicker than a $10 bill in a pair of $2 panties! We had: a couple of ounces of Smoking blend (which we made The Tea out of, but that is a whole other story) an ounce of scotch broom tops, an ounce of malaysian "marijuana", a whole sack of seeds that were to produce tantalizing plants of mind altering effects ... and Gold Root.
All of it was shit. The only thing that actually gave you an altering experience was the Gold Root. It did what it was supposed to. It made your mouth tingle, tingle so bad you were afraid that drool would squirt out the corner of your lips at any moment. Natives use it for toothache relief. I got it because I thought it would be funny to put into someone's drink sometime, and it was only $2.50.
So, one night we were worshipping the water tool when dem bones came over. This was a period of time in which he was just getting started into the whole drug scene, (I have never in my life seen someone smoke so much dope and not get high). He was up for pretty much anything that we offered him in the hopes that he would finally get stoned. We were talking about the stuff we had ordered and he asked if we got anything that worked, as he had heard from lawnjart that the smoking blend wasn't very good. I said the Gold Root works and thefez laughed.
"It sure does," he said.
It was at this point that one of the funniest and most careless jokes I have ever thought of popped into my mind. I asked Chris what he thought of it, he said he would play along on the condition I did most of the lying.
I gave bones a piece of Gold Root and told him it was a hallucinogen very similar to mushrooms. The effects were much shorter, however, and would last approximately 2-3 hours. The only trouble with it was the horrible allergic side-effects. You see 1 out of every 200,000 or so people have an allergic reaction to Gold Root, their bodies shutdown when exposed to the drug. Immediate hospital attention is required, but the person usually lives. The way you tell if your allergic to it is if your mouth starts to tingle. The more intense the tingling the worse your allergy is.
Having told my good friend this and making him promise to tell me if his mouth started to tingle, I gave him the root. He let it sit under his tongue, and we watched. He got up to get a drink. We knew it had to have started tingling a little by now. He took a couple of swallows, looked up a little worry showing on his brow and said,
"I think my mouth is starting to tingle."
"Shut up," I said. "Don't joke about that."
"I'm not kidding! It's tingling, tingling bad!!"
"Spit it out!", I yelled, trying to keep the laughter bottled up. I could see stone cold terror begin to crawl up the face of my now spitting/drooling friend. That's when I thought about how funny all this was to fez and I and how bones probably wasn't having the time of his life. So I let the laughter come out and I explained to him what a funny joke had just been played at his expense. He took it rather well for someone who was sure that, best case scenerio, he was going to be very, very sick, maybe die. Only to find out he was in the middle of a joke put on by his stoned friends.
Anyway thanks again bones for seeing the humor in it and not being pissed. It was a dumb prank to pull but it was goddamn funny.