How to spot bad internet porn stories (idea)

Ohh, what a delicious title for a nodeshell!

Yes, there's nodes about how to spot bad internet porn stories, but picking it in the first paragraph should be a vital skill!. If it's truly bad pr0n, you don't want to be half way through the preamble before you discover that the quality of writing goes south at around about the same time as the characters do.

So here's some tip-offs that I came up with to alert you straight away:

• It begins with: "I never thought that this would happen to a guy like me, but..."
• It contains the sentence "I've never considered myself particularly attractive to women, but..."
• It describes someone as "5"4' with nice tits and a firm ass".
• It involves a stepsister conveniently around the same age as the narrator.
• It involves people called "Randy" or "Bambi".
• The first paragraph describes the narrator as "happily married" with a wife who he'd never thought would have lesbian tendencies.