Sometimes I think I can tell story after story to explain myself. Like the story of why I am writing this. First, it seems you should know why I'm even awake. It being 10:22 am in Las Vegas you should probably know that I went to bed at about 4am, and I typically go to bed from 4-7 am. This is because I typically deal blackjack for an 8 hour shift starting from 7 to 10 pm.
So why did I wake up early?
I awoke from a dream. The general theme was that 3 yellow vehicles pulled over a guy (who reminds me (at the very least, since it's a dream it's possible it WAS him) of Maynard Krebs from The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis) who did not deserve to be pulled over. They were coplike, but didn't quite seem to be cops. I probably think they weren't cops because "cops" is generally a good thing in my brain. However, "bad cop" is a VERY bad thing.
So I was defending this guy. They seemed to want to pick a fight with poor Maynard Amalgam. Pick a fight with me, bitches.
I woke up pretty upset.
You see, when I was growing up a LOT of people keep telling me I was smarter than everyone else. People looked to me to do things "everyone else couldn't" and I didn't like that.
In elementary school I got enrolled in this program for smart kids. The teacher of that class was awesome. When she interviewed me for it (I guess it's more accurate to say, "when I was tested for it," she said, "What we found is that a lot of smart people drop out of society, they get jobs being janitors where they can just think all the time. Maybe they got bored with school. We want to make sure you aren't bored."
That class was NOT boring. But even in Elementary school, intellectual elitism was not without it's consequences. I remember so vividly and painfully a girl commenting that I had been picked for something in our regular class "probably because you are in that smart kid program." Ah yes, you are smarter and you WILL be alienated.
When I dropped out of college I wanted to find that teacher of the smart kid class and tell her it didn't work. I wonder where she is now or if she is even still alive. I am getting pretty old.
Mr. Thousand Friends and I both like Eminem. I linked him "Despicable" by said artist and he loved it, but he asked, "Why is Eminem so angry?" It had never occurred to me. Not that I didn't realize he was angry, but that someone would question WHY.
But this is not the story of why it's so easy to be angry in this world. This is the story of fighting for people who can't fight for themselves. Maybe that idea seeped into my subconscious from the end of A Few Good Men that was on TV in the break room a couple of nights ago.
"You ever serve in a forward area?"
The smart kid program continued on in Middle School, but obviously there was a new teacher. I don't think she was the reason I dropped out though. I think I dropped out of the smart kids program because of career shadowing. This was maybe the first time in my life I was rebelling against the idea of deciding what to do with your life.
I think if we had a time machine and we could go back and make me do the career shadowing, and make me go to the local Public Defender's office, maybe, just maybe, I'd a done something with my life.
I know as a Freshman in High School I was into the idea of standing up for people who didn't stand up for themselves. I think I just assumed a couple of things growing up. 1. That going to college had no correlation with being smart. 2. That people just went to College so they could make more money.
But I THINK, obviously I can't be sure, but I THINK, that you could have sold me on this idea. This idea that I could have done things with my life that other people can't do, and that I could do it not to make money, but to help people that other people were trying to take advantage of.
I wrote a poem in college about how I hurt people with my mouth, and how I would have been a good lawyer. Did I mention I love Eminem?
"Why should I join 'em when I beat 'em?"
"People call me a freak because I spit on these pussies before I eat 'em."
You want to pick on Maynard? You better watch the back of your ears, there are mouths like mine out there.