What the
fuck happened to me last night?
7:30 Wake up as a result of sunlight pouring in through my slightly cracked blinds. Realize I am very hungry. I don't want to eat, both because my roommate is asleep, and because I don't want to move. Is it really Monday? Do I actually have to go to class? Proceed to fall asleep and wake up intermittently, having vivid dreams in between of visiting a friend of mine, who has moved in with his girlfriend in a mobile home in the middle of the forest.
8:30 Drag myself out of bed, remembering that today is the deadline for a very important scholarship renewal application, and go to my computer to e-mail my mother and remind her to fax it in. Sit down at my computer, and realize that I now feel bloated. I am also completely out of energy. New mail. Turns out my mom already sent it in, and managed to email me by 7:10 this morning. I will not be able to stay awake in my 9:00 class like this. I slowly go through the motions of collecting the requisite materials for taking a shower.
.
8:43 I've been in the shower for a few minutes, and already discovered that hot water is not doing anything for me. Cold water does not seem nearly as cold as usual. Breathing is more difficult than usual. It feels like my airways have been constricted. Just as I'm looking at my watch to take note of the time, someone turns on the radio in the shower room (which contains exactly two usable showers, and a little broken chair for one person to wait in). Violent imagery of myself smashing the radio to bits immediatly ensues. I don't know what station it is, but I cannot fucking stand the radio, let alone the stations in this town, let alone the absolute shit that people who listen to the radio in the shower in this building seem to enjoy.
8:46 I notice that I'm looking at my watch even more frequently than normal, when I suddenly make out the tune of the newest McDonald's commercial above the white noise. With no better way to vent my rage, I jump up and down a few times, stamping my feet on the ground as loud as possible, and then start shivering. I slowly drag my hands over the skin on my face, then stare in horror at the bleak walls of the tiny room I've enclosed myself in.
8:48 I turn off the shower and grab my towel, and hear a local used car dealer who's been doing commercials in this town as far back as my memory goes. Holding my towel up to my face, I moan a few times. I am seriously considering grabbing the radio, running outside wearing just a towel, and throwing the radio as hard as I can into the side of one of the nearby buildings. Even thinking of it now... what unimaginable relief that would bring. But I hear the other person get out of the shower, so I stay inside mine until the coast is clear, at which time I make a mad dash for my room, stopping briefly to hurl my room key at the floor.
I keep wanting to throw things that I pick up. I smacked my head into the door of the bathroom stall several times when I was in there 15 minutes ago. Listening to Pantera and slowly munching on crackers is making me feel a little bit better. I have never been a violent person, and I have no reason to be now, but this is the only adjective I can apply to myself. I just hope my roommate doesn't come back right after he gets out of his 9:00 class. Just sitting here, I'm shivering and glancing around as if I'm completely strung out.