I am not sad, I am just trying not to think about it.
No, I'm not mad, maybe
I am just tired and
I'm not upset with
you, no, how
would any of this be your fault? How can you
be anything else than what you are? You
never pretended, never said and never needed
to be, I never
misunderstood and never
thought otherwise.
I'm not upset with everyone
else, either, how can they have had
any and all this effect on a life?
I'm mad at me, mostly, mad and tired
and sick to death of the things I keep
coming back to. I'm sick of my weaknesses
and strengths and shyness and brashness and
everything. I want a break.
Damn you. Damn everyone for
helping me escape and damn you all for bringing me
back and damn everything for being just what it
should be, home home home to the weary
and rest for the wicked and all that jazz.
Damn damn damn.
None of you were supposed to mean more than nothing
to me.
None of you.