I was never going to settle for anything less than
True Love tm. The
fireworks, swooning, stars in my eyes, forever and ever and
death do us part. The Real Thing.
And I’d know it was real, because he’d listen to me, someone who listens is so important to me, and he’d bear with me when I got all confused, I am so confused sometimes, he’d hold me when I woke up scared at night, I am afraid, sometimes, at night. He’d be everything I needed, nothing I had, a stalwart salvation.
And then I told myself that salvation has to come from within, and you can never rely on someone else for your happiness, happy yourself would lead to happy with others, always needing to lean on someone would cause them to stumble, crumple under the weight of me, a trust needs to be built, and I dug foundations, frantically sandbagging and fortifying my crumbling edges.
And I knew you were real, because you listened to me, and you held me. You thought I was funny (only too funny sometimes, sometime later you would laugh at the wrong cues), and you held me, you protected me, (all I wanted was to be safe) but then it was stifling and you were holding too tight and you couldn’t understand what was wrong.
You played all the parts, you paid all the prices I demanded, you won the girl, only the girl is me and the price may have changed. Know me, I’m thinking that now I’ll settle for something simple, something more or less like this or that. You want to know the underlying thread and balance that defines the tastes a subtle flavor of me hiding, the way to make me fall for you?
I don't know what it is.