I'm in something of a meltdown.

Freudians would call it ego instability, I figure. I know exactly what I'm doing for some high-level knowledge-worker stuff I owe the world (or at least my boss), but I feel that I'm bluffing through it.

Some people really need their benzos, I figure. I was cutting down because I wasn't getting any extra anxiety from cutting down and I was getting extra mental clarity, but even with the lithium and the anticonvulsants that margin of Klonopin appears to be essential in keeping me stable. 

I wish I had a non-stigmatized illness right now so I could have a free pass for a few days – "I'm bipolar and spiralling out of control, and right now I'm feeling constantly like I'm about to burst into tears" is too much to swallow when the team is already on a scram to finish a project in time.

I did shed a tear when I saw the japanese PM on the telly. Crying mothers who lost their offspring is one thing – a serious man trying to calm his people while appearing on the brink of emotional collapse – that makes me lose my cool.