A supremely useful
American midwestern colloquialism of
conjunctive form. Possibly the greatest member of this category second only to the ubiquitous
y'all. Combining the boringly cliche redneck inter
pertation of the word '
pretty', with the extremely
mundane locational
identifier 'near', a common Midwestern idea is communicated nearly twice as efficiently as would otherwise be possible.
This is useful in two capacities. First is that in the Midwest, we don't like a lot of talk. Keep your ideas short and simple so they are easily understood without disrupting the routine. Secondly, and most importantly for anyone living in an area where the seasons provide the sole indication of the passage of time, pertnear allows one to create the illusion of excitement and danger. Illustrated by the following examples:
"The other week I tripped that gopher hole and pertnear broke my leg."
"As I was tillin' the fields, the tractor pertnear slid down the embankment."
"That bird flew down and pertnear clawed my eyes out."
Okay, so the illusion of excitement and danger is barely mediocre, but it's the best you can do without an imagination. Midwesterners are not big risk-takers, so flat out lying about something besides fishing is simply not worth endangering one's reputation in the community. Hence, whatever is almost the case is of utmost social importance.