I am infinately capable of producing a facade
of self-assuredness. It is very likely why people come to me to help them with problems, often BIG problems. The women that I know that have been raped
often ask me what they should do. The women at the shelter I volunteered at a few years ago often asked me where they should go from there? Children of divorces want to know what's going to happen to them next?
I don't know the answers to these questions.
Because of that, I've become a wealth of resources. I may not be able to tell a woman who was raped four years ago what she needs to do to go through her own healing process, but I can put her in touch with twenty organizations that may be able to. I may not know what a woman running from an abusive husband should do now, but I can get her the numbers of people who can help her find a place to live, clothes for her and her children, and legal services to obtain a divorce and restraining order.
I've always felt the weak link in this chain. Like it was a cop-out to be giving out phone numbers instead of advice.
I've been searching for my own strength for a very long time.
I have tried everything: counseling, self-affirmations, education, community service ... I've even tried mantras and religion. And I have found nothing.
This weekend, I realized what nobody could tell me, because I needed to discover it myself:
My strength is already in me
I do not need anybody to save
me. I do not need the ideas and words and actions of other people, because I was born with all of the strength
I ever needed to have.
I also realized that I am not a weak link - I am a powerful woman with powerful thoughts and connections.
I am my strength.
I never knew finding it would be this easy or feel this good.