W.C. Fields (person)

Quotes attributed to W. C. Fields

• My illness is due to my doctor's insistance that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
• If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
• Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
• Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
• Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice! (Fields' response after someone "spiked" his drink with fruit juice.)
• I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
• Sleep...the most beautiful experience in life--except drink.
• California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
• What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an ax.