Alternatively...
If your girlfriend's feeling horny - yes its corny but that's life -
you should tie her to a table with rope cut down by a knife.
Then you squeeze her and you tease her and eventually you'll please her,
and she'll love you then forever and become your grateful wife.
Get some K-Y and a carrot, use a parrot if you dare!
And just slip it up inside her after shaving off her hair.
Then you lick it and you flick it. Yes that's perfect, just the ticket!
(oh, don't ask about the parrot, just be glad it's not a bear.)