I know I’m just fine. I’m 5’ tall and 100
lb. The
charts in the
doctor’s office say that is a
normal weight for my height. My jeans are
size 2 (US), that’s a nice
small size.
I should be happy, or at least not so concerned. But in spite of all this, I still know I’m
fat, or at least
ugly. So I
workout I try to
eat less and drink more water. I try not to ask other people if they think I’m thin enough they always say “
Yes, you’re fine.” But I know that
they aren't telling the truth. So I
work harder,
just in case. It’s not really about looks, you see. I don’t care about the
latest fashions, I don’t wear
makeup or
shave my legs. I’m not really concerned about my
appearance that much.
I just want to be good enough to be loved.Once I was 130lb. Now that
was fat! When I lost the first twenty people started treating me
differently. They said I was a nicer person (I have a famously
bad temper.) People asked me to work on projects with them more often boys asked me out more often. I never thought that it mattered. It turned out that it did matter. I must admit, that made me sort of . . .
mad. So I just kept losing
weight! And then I was only 87lb. (
they’ll really love me now, I thought) But, 87 was “
too thin” and I had to gain some back “
get some meat on my bones.” So, I did. Now I’m 100 and I have
no idea if that is right or not. I have no idea if anyone
loves me.
I wish it didn’t matter, but
everyone knows it matters.
I wish I was a guy, maybe then I could forget about all of this
crap.