There's this guy that I've hung out with a couple of times. He owns a car detailing business, that's his big thing is cars, and I have no interest in cars. He's also very Pentecostal, very nauseatingly Christian, and one of those religiousy-types. Yesterday he came to my house and we just talked for three hours. I was trying to have a normal conversation, but he kept redirecting the conversation to religion, and monologued to me for like forty minutes about how he doesn't watch secular movies, doesn't listen to secular music, wants a submissive virgin wife, wouldn't let his (currently hypothetical) kids watch secular cartoons. I tried to be open minded, with "mhm" and "right." I told him, "I think it's good that you're living according to your values," but he kept insinuating that I should do the same. "If you want to grow in your relationship with God," he said, "learn to let go. I let go of movies, music, I really think you should pray about it." I just said "yeah. I'll have to consider it." Really it's a little sad to see someone so nauseatingly and completely brain-raped. But he told me, "if not for you and kenny (our mutual friend), I have nobody." And he recently broke off his friendship with Kenneth, because Kenneth lies constantly about small things, which he couldn't tolerate. We made plans to hang out next week, but I just... hmm. I'm trying to find a nice way to phrase it, but... I don't know. I don't really enjoy being with him, I don't agree with any of his opinions, and we don't have common interests.
"I want a wife who will submit to me like she submits to Christ. God told me, if I am to have a woman in my life, she has to be a virgin, she has to love Jesus, no piercings or tattoos obviously..." Frankly it made me feel sick to my stomach, but I just said "yeah, makes sense." Maybe I'm spineless but, whatever.
He did tell me, though, that Kenneth (our mutual friend) has been fired from every job he has worked for sexual harrassment. Which really surprised me, because Kenneth does not seem like that kind of person. Kenneth wouldn't be honest with me on why he got fired from his job, he kept changing his story, but I never would have guessed sexual harrassment. Frankly if Kenneth is that kind of person, a mysogynist, I don't know if I want to be his friend, but he also has no friends. I am his closest friend. So I will damage him if I leave, but I feel like I can't be friends with someone like that in good conscience. I don't know what I'm going to do.
Fuck.
I do love Kenneth, but... hmm. I don't know. His constant lying kind of infuriates me. and I brought it up with him, we had a talk about it, and he continues to lie to me. But I don't want to abandon him like that. For now, I'll try to be a good presence in his life, but I'm not going to open up to him. Maybe that's being a fake friend.
Making friends as an adult is extremely difficult, especially if you're me. I am bad at small talk, I am bad at getting to know people. I am distant, I keep people at arm's length, I don't talk to people, and these two people have consistently expressed a desire to be in my life. I should consider that a blessing, but I don't, and I don't know why I don't. Well, maybe I do know why, but friendships are hard to forge. Should I cling to these people because of that?
In other news, I bought a website. "Energy drinks are awesome" dot com. I'm going to write a few very long longform articles about energy drinks, how godly they are, how good they taste, and their immense health benefits (in my opinion they are a health supplement. I'll also post reviews, and see if I can get another editor. Taurine, carnitine, vitamin B3, B12, B6. Glorious.
I don't think I have anything else to write. Those are my thoughts. Ugh. Fuck. Thanks for reading.