I took a seat at a round table-bench apparatus in front of Student Activities where the sky was a bright pearlish gray and there was nobody within my three-meter radius (except for a passerby or two). No one would bother me here for sure, cackle, cackle. I cracked open my Nuts&Foods book, FOCUSED MAH BRAIN on the text, and colored a few sentence fragments a transparent bright orange. Yes, I am in college and I still use a textbook as a coloring book just like in the kidney-garden.
From the corner of my eye several paces away from where I sat, I spotted a gorgeous exotic gal who stopped in her tracks to take a look me. She stood motionless (obviously stunned by my utterly magnificent beauty and charm) and eyed me curiously. I swear, man, everything was going in slow motion and there was some opera music playing in the background. She maneuvered her slim and shapely torso towards me as something in my pants began to harden and rise like overcooked muffins… It was very strange. I averted my gaze/glance back to my books, and attempted to FOCUS MAH BRAIN again. My heart pounded with annoyance in my chest, shouting at me, “YOU COULDA GOT ME SOME BOOTY! WHY DIDN’T YOU APPROACH HER AND LET YOUR INNER FELINE OUT?! MY GOD, FOR ALL THESE YEARS THAT I HAVE KEPT YOU ALIVE, THIS IS ALL THAT YOU GIVE TO ME?! I SOOO, LIKE, WANT TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW.” I nearly died of a heart attack until she sat in front of me at the round bench and i wanted to bend her over it and__________insert dirty verbs here___________.
“Alright, baby, there ya go. Now, go get me some much-deserved booty-time.” said my heart as it halted the growth of my new aneurysm. Then, my adrenal medulla began to squirt epinephrine into my kidneys who put it into to my bloodstream. My heart didn’t help matters at all, as it began to hammer on my sternum harder and faster upon receipt of that drug, spreading it all over the place and makin’ me all jittery. DAMN YOU, ADRENAL GLANDS. (We have a love-hate relationship with each other. This is just one of our special moments.)
I vaguely remember wondering why my heart was the one that vocally expressed its desire for this chick and some “action”, as it is surely the wrong organ for this sort of business.
But I digress.
The gal and I exchanged some nervous hellos. She asked if she may take a picture of me. Confused that she asked (most people just take pictures of me without even asking), she explained that she was a photography major with a mission: she needed to take individual portraits of 100 people. She asked if I would like to be one of them. I thought for a moment, calculating what my chances were in having my way with her on the table and said, “sure.”
My Asian Harlem Mona Lisa whipped out her huge camera and stood an arm’s distance away from my face. Snap, click went the camera four times. She showed me the picture and asked if I did not like it. I, as always, ADORED the pixellated image of my person in her camera and told her so. She begged for more and I gave her more– in a different position. “Ooh, I like that,” she said breathily behind her camera lens. I gave her my email address so that she could send me my model-perfect pics so that I may frame and hang them for all the world to see. We made a little pillow-talk and her parting words were basically, “You are a kind person, thank you so much. Bye-bye!”
This is my twist on today's events. I hope you believe me.