Day log, just some stream of consciousness.
The house is clean, the pies are made, the food is prepped, and I am nervous. I have no reason to be nervous, but yet here I am. Excited, but nervous.
The house is usually nothing short of a disaster. Too many critters, busy lives, way more interesting things to do than clean, and so on. However, it simply does not take all that long to make presentable for guests - any guests, not just people who've been here before. Our few guests for tomorrow have all been here before. Yet I find myself going well above the minimum of presentable. I want it to be not just ok, but nice, pleasant, comfortable. I want it to smell like happiness and good food. I want to not have to tell our guests they will probably want to wear slippers or something. I don't want to feel like I have to apologize for the corners. I also don't want to dust, am not going to dust, and fuck all if I get judged (I won't. My guests don't dust either).
I want the food to be delicious, possibly epic. I doubt that will be achieved, but it won't be far off. Decadence will be the theme of the day. Everyone is contributing and mostly cooking here. I love that sort of thing, a kitchen full of good smells, good tastes, and laughter.
I want the meal to be just freaken nice. I even washed (almost) matching wine glasses so we are not using mason jars. Hell, I even got a flippen pot of flowers for a centerpiece!! Fortunately I am broke, and didn't go so far as to find a table runner...
Pretty much, everything is set. So why am I nervous? The combination of guests. I am really actually so full of gratitude, but I am also nervous. It's family. Perhaps not traditional, but it is. I think that's what it is though. Only two of us are blood relations, but it doesn't matter. Some pieces of this are complicated, VERY complicated - but it's happening. I didn't know if this would ever actually happen. how do you define family anyhow?
I think that may be another root of the nerves. This whole thing brings up unexpected questions - that should be written somewhere else. It also reminds me I am still, patiently, waiting for an answer to a question I asked two summers ago. Details of that are suddenly relevant - or at least the follow up questions after the initial answer. Yes - this hit the nail on the head. I found the root. I can manage that another day. Now, I can relax into tomorrow and enjoy the day.
Much gratitude