You only ever love me behind my back these days
Defending my impossibility to friends
You make me feel disgusting, disguised,
Guilty and cheap
But if I can't touch you or even reach you, well it
Hardly makes a difference

You should see how proud of me you are, I would
Tell you every day
I finally quit drinking, finally picked up smoking,
I'm skin and bones these days I wish you could see me while you still can
For someone is lying in wait, and he will be there come his day
To eat this skin whence it is shed
If there was any song worth singing to save
Your soul or mine it probably wouldn't help
I have never felt this far from you

Wednesday we went to the carnival finally
We went late
We were silent, we had to be
The starburst cloud pallet eveningland sunset never ended
It stayed us, trapped in our quietude, wanderlust,
The quietude of the world is demanded
The smells and the smiles, yes,
The lights, children and music, yes,
But still so very quiet
The low blue of the light in the afterglow of the evening
The low blue clarity we cannot anymore afford to ignore

Wandering aimlessly, watching the
Moon rise for the very first time
Knowing the quietude,
Knowing the stillness and simplicity and peace that is closed in you
For the very first time

That carousel was wonderful, Karia
It was wonderful
I have anchored it, sealed on display
In the museum of my mind
The architects and philosophers, they will hold their ropes up to the sky
With this on its fraying end
Praising this and us and here as a monument to joy
Earnest, they take down their notes
Wasting no time

But now we are preoccupied in these lights
Beautiful, restless, drunk, flickering
Beautiful more than any two pairs of wings
Upwards, stardusting, spiraling now fast
Rupture openly, fireworks in color
On their way to joy
Here beautiful at least as
Anything that would fall out of
Your ovaries the next time you and I could know this much
Carnival. shore. of joy.

Maybe next time we can hold hands or something.

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