"Dr. Sip, Dr. Sip!"
It began as a typical day at Silly Meme-orial Hospital, Ane Sip, M.D. heading the rotation of silly surgeons to take care of the silliest of medical problems. As Ane sipped her morning coffee, she hurried down the hall towards the direction of the call for her presence. It was a fairly new hospital, built for the sole purpose of only handling the silliest of medical problems so that the hospital across town, Mortal Peril Care, would be free to only handle the serious cases. (All the cases in between Potentially Deadly and Dreadfully Silly were already being handled by Meh Medical University.)
"This man has accidentally swallowed the little sound box from the new I Gotta Go PeePee Elmo doll!" said Dr. Feign Serious, intense seriousness burning in his dark brown eyes as he pointed to a rather rotund railroader lying in the gurney in Room 333. Dr. Sip finished sipping her coffee and prepared to examine the man.
He hiccupped, and then a high-pitched voice squealed out of his mouth "Elmo gotta go pee pee, hee hee hee!"
"This has to be the silliest problem I've seen all day!" Ane mumbled as she tossed her empty coffee cup towards the trash can in the corner. Oh wait, there wasn't a trash can in the corner, oh well da-da-da-donka donka roll!
"Is it serious, doctor?!" said Dr. Serious, seriousness phasering right out of his pupils, Warp Two.
"Don't you know where you work, doctor?" Ane asked him, firing "what are you smoking" torpedoes at his chin.
"NO!" yelled Dr. Serious very seriously.
"Well you work at Silly Hospital, we only handle the superest seriously silliest problems!" Ane said. "Now, we have to remove it!"
"Remove WHAT?" Dr. Serious said, imaginary question marks of various type faces popping out from his face.
The patient hiccupped again. "Elmo uses the potty! Hee hee hee!"
"How did he swallow it?" Ane asked a nearby nurse, who of course was wearing the stereotypical sexiest nurse's outfit ever.
The platinum blonde nurse with ruby red lips turned to Ane, her bubbling breasts barely buttoned in, and, looking down at a clipboard, said: "When the patient came in he said, and I quote 'Let's pee pee together. Hee. Hee. Hee.' and 'Elmo gotta pee pee the potty!' End quote."
"Hmmm," Ane said, looking seriously down at the patient, "Nurse Bimbo, this could only mean one thing. He ripped the device out of the doll and put it in his mouth and swallowed it... for some scary, selfishly silly reason!"
Nurse Bimbo held a small, cell-phoney type device near the patient's head. It beeped. She looked at it. "This reads a nine on our Silly-Meter!"
"Oh no, ten is the highest!!" Dr. Serious yelled.
"No, nine-point-ninety-nine is," Ane said, "but close enough! We need a Silly Sucker Subtractor, stat, Serious!"
Dr. Serious looked at Ane. "What's STAT mean?!"
"It means NOW you ninny!" Ane exclaimed.
"And it's short for 'statistic,'" Nurse Bimbo said, still smoking insanely sexy.
"Oh, yes!" Dr. Serious said, a clue finally finding his funny face, "the S.S..." He stopped to count using his right hand. "One... two... three.. uhhh..." Then he yelled "The S.S.S!"
Dr. Serious ran out into the hall, almost running into a man wearing a giant, foam exclamation mark. Ane looked at the costumed cook. "What's YOUR problem?"
"DON'T ASK!!" the man yelled as loud as he could. Then he ran out of sight.
The moment that followed was quite quiet. Ane took the opportunity to speak to Nurse Bimbo. "You know, you're quite sexy."
"Thanks," Nurse Bimbo said. "Boy, am I glad you're not a librarian!"
"Uh, no," Ane said, orbs of confusion sprinkling from her pale face, "I'm a... doctor. I don't do books."
"Well, good, 'cuz Nurse Books ain't all like that," Nurse Bimbo replied.
"What?" Ane said right before Dr. Serious came running back in with a small, red Dirt Devil-like device.
"I've got the S.S.S.S.!" he declared.
"That's one too many esses!" Ane said.
"Oh, that's right!" Dr. Serious said. "There's only three essessessess... sess!"
"Elmo got a biiiiiiiiiig pee pee!" the patient suddenly said.
"OK, let's do this!" Ane said, grabbing the S.S.S. from Dr. Serious. She shoved the device into the patient's mouth. There was a loud sucking sound.
"I told ya!" said a balding, small-framed old man in a suit who happened to be walking by the room. He continued on his way.
Suddenly, after some more significant silly sucking sounds, a loud POP! echoed around the room.
"GOT IT!" Ane yelled, holding up the S.S.S. In the plastic see-through compartment sat a white little box with two double-A batteries sticking out of it.
"WE DID IT!!" said Dr. Serious.
"Another case solved!" Nurse Bimbo vivaciously vocalized.
"So," Ane said, turning to the patient, who was taking some deep breaths in, "how do you feel, sir?"
After taking a few more deep breaths in, and coughing, the man slowly looked at Ane and said: "I have to poop!"
"I'll grab the Precariously Powerful Pumpinating Poopinator!" Dr. Serious said. "The P.P.... um, P.P.P..."
"JUST GO!!!!" yelled a voice from the hall. Everybody looked to see the dude in the big foam exclamation mark was back. But then he ran off again.
Dr. Serious scampered off as well. Nurse Bimbo turned to Ane.
"Ya ever think this place is a bit too silly, Dr. Sip?"
"I think it's just silly enough, Dr. Bimbo," Ane said in a very seriously silly way as orchestra, movie-finale-type music began to play from the intercom speakers. She paused before continuing her Big Important Speech Fit for the End of This Story or Any Other. "Some people say that this place is just too silly. Maybe we shouldn't even be here. But, me, I say that silly cases are serious business, and we have to do our duty--!"
"Doody!" the patient yelled, pointing down towards his pants, ironically just as the music ended in a ripping-the-needle-from-a-record-type way. "Sorry, I couldn't wait!"
"Aw, crap!" Nurse Bimbo sniffed.
"Crap, indeed," Ane said, "Crap Indeed."
"SHIT!!!" yelled Exclamation Man as he ran by the room again, effectively bumping up this story's MPAA rating.
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