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Everybody annoys everybody else. At least sometimes.

It is payroll time again and I fear that I will lose what is left of my hair soon.

Farmer Goober is pissed at Apprentice YowYow because Apprentice YowYow informed me everyone at the farm is alcoholic and lazy. They don't get around to working until they're goddamn good and ready. That Goober talks shit about me coming out into the field to dig in the dirt with shovels and rakes and carry lumber and drive stakes into the rock-solid ground alongside the other workers. That Farmer Goober says I should just stay in the office and not leave my computer, but in the same breath that he thinks I hold myself in higher regard than him. 

But what Apprentice YowYow most wanted to tell me was that Farmer Goober gives him a hard time because he is my little brother and that I must have gotten him the job, and it is wearing on him.

Apprentice YowYow is really my youngest cousin and you can bet your ass, hat, and shoes that I got him the job. But that is neither here nor there. 

Farmer Goober is pissed because I called up and asked if there was a problem with me that was going affect production. If whatever is going on in my absence is going to cost the partners money. If my help outside was unappreciated and if I should go camping or wine tasting or kayaking instead of lending a hand.

Farmer Goober isn't just pissed. He is throwing a straight-up bitch fit and says he feels betrayed and wants YowYow off of the site, that he doesn't even want to work with him anymore. They don't talk and they avoid each other as much as possible. The partner who is on site thinks that Farmer Goober needs to have a few days off in College Party Town, USA. Get laid, get drunk, get his head on straight.

I think that we pay the guy enough money to be a farm manager that he can start acting like a fucking farm manager.

I think this is the problem with folks who have never been in the military. Three of the four partners that own the company (myself included) are prior service. Infantry. Airborne. Not that I'm trying to say how we are tough and macho and can kick people's asses or something. What I am getting at is that we three conduct ourselves with professionalism and try to avoid pettiness. We also are aware that everyone is going to have a problem with everyone else at some point in time and we just deal with it, straightforward, usually over the course of an evening rife with the overconsumption of alcohol, scribbling on notepads, and obscure references to places in Georgia and North Carolina that we wished we could have forgotten while we were there.

The three of us understand that you cant just get rid of a guy in the middle of an operation just because he annoys you. You start doing that and you won't accomplish much of anything. "There's no 'I' in TEAM" and all that shit. The three of us get it. 

What about the fourth guy? The fourth guy is, no shit, for all intents and purposes, a silent partner. If he needs to say something, he says it to me and I say it to the others. He doesn't deal with Human Resources, or Site Management. He doesn't process invoices or talk to vendors. He gives me his share of money, I allocate his share of the money. 

If the fourth guy knew the amount of petty shit I have to deal with concerning the workers, or the amount of alcohol I have to drink during dispute resolution with the other partners, well, I am sure he would just laugh and ask how much he needs to write the check for this month.

The fourth guy is irrelevant. 

I live three states away from the office and only get out there every four to six weeks, for five to seven days at a time. Sorry for leaving out that tidbit of useful information. I need to go down again and have a discussion with the partners and Farmer Goober. Address his temperament and negative attitude. Tell him to pull his panties out of his asscrack and attend to the task at hand.

It's just a pain in the ass to drive that far for one face to face conversation. Expensive too.

We are so close to finally getting paid.

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