I do not want to decide if Bill Cosby is guilty. I am not on a jury nor am I his judge. But I do have a question: Where are the men?
Women have come forward. Woman after woman. They were younger than him and he was already famous and on his way. But there were men there too, who worked with him. Why haven't we heard from them? We have heard from only one man.
Various people say how dare these women come forward after all this time. But back then, I think that if a woman had gone to the police, the attitude may well have been, "You were out with a married man. You can't prove anything, you slut whore."
Why do I say this? In my second year of medical school, in 1990, we had a lecture about domestic violence and rape. A day or two later, I was with four people from my class: we were two men and three women.
One of the men said, "If I were a woman who was raped, I would never tell anyone."
I said, "Oh, I'd be in the emergency room getting a rape kit done for evidence and I'd have his ass in jail immediately."
Silence. Then he said, "Um. Wow. Can I ask why?"
I explained that I had been sexually abused by a neighbor at seven. Being a bit clueless, I asked my mother about what it meant when a guy rubbed his penis on a girl. She explained sex. I got worried that I was pregnant, I was sure that I was no longer a virgin and I thought it was my fault. And I told my four year old sister never ever to go near him. I think my mother had no idea what was in my head. I had a doctor's appointment a few months later and decided that I probably was not pregnant, because surely the doctor would have noticed. I felt guilty and at fault for letting it happen. I was seven. On the school bus to second grade I thought sadly that I was the only girl who was not a virgin.
I was lucky in that I could and did stop the abuse. It was not a family member. I stood up for myself at seven.
I revisited it in college. I heard a program about how rape victims feel and how guilty and at fault they feel. And how they are often treated with suspicion: what were they doing to inflame the man? I was so stunned as they described the feelings that I had at age 7 that I burned the bacon I was cooking.
"So," I said, "If I walk naked down the street, I am fine with being arrested for indecency. But no one can rape me. That is violence and it is illegal."
The medical school men continued to look at me. "See?" I said, "I am ok. I think the perception is still that women are 'ruined' and destroyed by rape. The numbers of women experiencing rape or domestic violence is one in four."
"Yes," said one of the guys, "But I didn't believe that."
"Well, we have three women here." We all looked at the other two. One nodded yes and the other shook her head no.
After the child abuse lecture, the male student came to me. "I thought of you during the lecture. What you said will make me treat women who have been abused differently. Thank you."
So: where are the men who worked with Cosby? Was this an open secret?
If the women are telling the truth, then the men who worked with Cosby know. I am afraid that the silence means:
They didn't want to know.
They turned a blind eye.
They tell themselves they can't prove it.
He was the goose laying the golden egg.
Those girls deserved what they got, he was a married man.
So: Where are the REAL MEN who worked with Bill Cosby? If it is true and they stay silent, they are accomplices. Every single one of them should call their lawyer and say, "I saw evidence that supports what the women are saying. Please contact their lawyers so that I can make a statement." Or: "I am willing to make a statement that I worked with Bill Cosby for x years and never saw anything suspicious." Not a press statement. A statement that they will stand by in court: that it's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
And think if it had been men being preyed on. Take that as a scenario. Men would have screamed the house down and what's more they would have been believed. And they would not be accused of leading him on or being whores or being sluts or asked what they were wearing.
Will the Real Men who worked with Bill Cosby please stand up.
also published at https://drkottaway.wordpress.com/2015/02/04/bill-cosby-and-the-real-men/ today