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Take some cows, an area marked off in squares about one square foot, some sort of cause that needs money like a 4-H group, and some country folk with cash in their pockets and you have just started a popular backwater sport in central Virginia.

What happens during cow chip bingo, is that people buy certain squares for 1 to 5 dollars a piece, depending on the size of the field. A cow is released onto the playing field and when it craps on a square the person who bought that square wins money. If the poop lands between two squares or more the money is divided up and the person who had more dung in their square gets more money. Several cows can be set out at once if the field is large enough or if one cow doesn’t produce anything for a while.

This has become a lucrative fund raiser in where I live. The local high school once marked off their entire football field and released several cows upon it and had a huge cow chip bingo for FFA. The best thing was when a cow lifted its tail and was about to release. The entire stadium would then go silent hoping that their square would be soiled. Oddly enough the sport saw a turn out roughly comparable to a varsity football game.

People were also betting on the sidelines on how fast it would take such and such cow to produce its goods. This is about as exciting as it gets in the way of sports around here. Its kind of pitiful that we stare at a field holding our bingo slip hoping that a cow will lay a big pile right in the middle of our square.

I’m just hoping this doesn't become a big sport around this back country place. If it did, people would start breeding special crapping cows like race horses around here. Where I live would become synonymous with cow manure.

I can see it now:

Random person, "So where are you from?"

"Oh such and such county."

Random person, "Oh yeah. I know that place. Home of the crapping cows and cow chip bingo ehh?"

"Well there are some historical sites around."

Random person, "Like what the founder of cow chip bingo's home?"

As a matter of fact, if this sport does get really big, I think I'll move to some place were legitimate sports are practiced like bull riding and barrel racing.

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