So I think I made a mistake, but that's not the real problem. The
real problem is I obsess, act impulsively, and then regret my actions
later instead of taking the time to think through things. I should have
confirmed that the people who I want to meet in Dallas are going to be
there, and be willing/able to meet me, but instead I bought a plane
ticket, probably because I wanted a vacation anyways, and they both
seemed interested in getting together so I went ahead and spent the
money, and now I really don't think I should have for the exact reasons I
outlined in my email.
Today I forgot that the girls have dentist appointments. I had the
appointments in my phone, I thought I put the reminders in, and I
confirmed the appointments with the receptionist last Thursday when I
took Jane in to see the pediatrician, and I have no excuse other than I
forgot which is lame. But again, that's not the real problem. I need a
better organizational system so I don't forget about appointments. My
little sister suggested a calendar in the kitchen, and I think it's
worth trying. Right now I feel discouraged. I think this is very normal,
but it doesn't change how I feel. There's been a lot going on in my
life recently, as is true of most of the people I know.
Good things that have happened on the business side of things: I got a
public shout out on KWBTV. That was unexpected and super cool. I picked
up a couple new followers, and hopefully that will help educate them. I
booked a flight to Dallas, and I have the potential to meet up with
people I'd like to get to know better. If no one shows, I can sit and
relax by the pool beneath the sun. It can be a 39th birthday present to
myself, and I think the sunshine alone will do me a world of good.
Several people are helping me put together a business plan. This is the
kind of thing I can't do, so I respect and admire those that can. Two
friends of mine think that this has a much wider application than I
initially realized which was good to hear.
A friend bought my GoDaddy account for me so I now have my very first
domain. I put together a mission statement that was better than
anything I've written in the past, but still needs some refinements.
Still, I'm proud of my progress, and I'm really excited about the
quality of the people that I've been able to attract. Sometimes I get
scared about the level of knowledge I possess, but I keep reminding
myself that everyone makes mistakes, and I can't expect myself to know
everything. Even starting conversations that lead to debate will raise
awareness so that's not a bad thing either. Another mood booster came
from a coach that originally asked what a shoe consult was.
Without him I wouldn't own my own company so I owe him a debt of
gratitude, and I probably should have booked a flight to Washington to
go see him and his team, but I chose the way that I did, and I'm
actually confident that I can go to Texas, not meet anyone, and still be
able to turn that trip into a success. Other cool things, my friend
down in Florida keeps introducing me to people. She's been a fantastic
cheerleader as has my friend down in Austin, Texas that I'm hoping I'll
be able to meet. Things are really fine. Jane is feeling better. I made
my bed and put clean sheets on them the other night. I cleaned my room
and went through my clothes, that's something I've been wanting to do
for a long time, and I took a hamper over to my condo so that was
another thing off of my to do list.
My pharmacist friend out on the East Coast sent some positive vibes
my way after he read my mission statement, and my friend in Toronto has
been emailing me despite being very depressed himself. I'm down to $525
worth of medical bills, and I can not wait until those things are paid
off. I could have used the money I spent on airfare to travel there, but
I didn't, and it wouldn't have covered them all anyways so there is
that. The other day I watched a wonderful David Foster Wallace video
that really helped me remember that sometimes things are so obvious, and
right in front of me, and I forget them because they're so simple, and I
lack perspective.
***
Am now writing this after I've returned from work, and I think a lot,
but sometimes I'm thinking when I should be doing, but sometimes I let
the kids in After School Care be a little crazy because it's a long day
for the kids, and they need time to be silly. The kindergarten teacher
was talking to two parents out in the hall, and I was proud of myself
for taking some time to make their days a bit brighter because what kids
really need is people to be interested in them, and excited about the
things that they're doing whether it's playing with puppets or gluing
yarn on construction paper. Today I told the woman who works upstairs
that she didn't have to come in tomorrow as Fridays are usually low
enrollment days.
Most Fridays I let the kids play for an hour or so before we come
back for snack. I found a recipe for microwave popcorn that the kids can
do themselves, and it's so much cheaper than the store bought kind, and
the kids feel really empowered when they're clutching their brown bags
out in the hall. They feel important when I let them go into the
custodian's room to pop popcorn, and some parents laugh when I say that
we need to take a field trip down the hall, but the kids know what I
mean, and when you're a kid, even the idea of going into an unfamiliar
room that you're normally not allowed into can be fun and exciting if
someone else believes that you're responsible enough to grab some rags
to clean off the desks.
I haven't done it in a while, but I used to bring essential oils into
class, and I taught the kids how to dry their hands using only one
paper towel, and today we sang Christmas songs, and the kindergarten
teacher let the little kids pick out which songs they wanted, and the
Pre-K teacher read them a book, and it was so cute to see the kids
laying on the carpet listening to her, and hearing what they got out of
the book was cool too, and sometimes, I forget about these small moments
that make up the days of our lives because most history and memories
aren't huge events although those can be historical too, but I want to
remember the chilled cheeks, and my daughter reading the story of the
blind seal, and the pictures I took of a couple kids surfing on top of
my cart because some day I want those kids to look back on their time in
After School Care as fun, and not just the same old day in, and day out
routine.
Jane stayed home today, another couple of years and she'll be a
teenager. Jill will be thirteen in May, and I think to myself, why
wasn't I more involved in their lives when they were the ages of the
kids I watch daily? And then I'm so thankful that I have daylogs to go
back to, and I tell myself that I'm going to write more about what
they're doing because they're totally cool kids with myriad gifts, and I
laugh at myself for ever worrying that my kids would be dumb, or what
kind of grades they were going to bringing home on their report cards,
because that really just isn't that important in life, and I do what I
can to help my oldest get her homework done, but I can't live her life
for her, and the older she gets, the more her decisions will affect her
life so why don't we stop stepping in at school with threats of
expulsion because that isn't addressing the root problem anyways.
***
Last night I had a great conversation with someone who believes in
me, and pushes me to live up to my full potential. So this morning I had
an opportunity to tweet at a guy I recommended he follow, and that led
to another opportunity which I took advantage of, and it was so simple
and small, but it has the potential to be huge, and even if it doesn't
go where it could, I'm proud of myself for handling it the way that I
did because I believe in people, and I cater to an intelligent audience
who doesn't need to get beaten over the head before they grasp an idea.
So anyways, there's my up and down day which is pretty much like most of
my days, and I'll probably never learn how to be one of those even
keeled people who doesn't experience high highs, or very low lows, but
whatever. I'm myself, and I love that about me.