I'm running a prison.

Just recently, a group of inmates arrived that were so horrendous in their joint deeds, that the prison set up a cage at the back for just these prisoners. No one could get in or out of the caged area.

Well, except my mum. She was my informant. These guys looked pretty relaxed for people who had been locked away with just themselves for nearly a week now.

I had suspicions: the businesswoman in for white collar crimes in the studio apartment cell next to their cage might have had something to do with it. But I needed proof.

So, I get my mum out of the cage, to see if I can get the gos. I talk to her at the bar we have for the average prisoners. But, she isn't keen to speak much. But, I tell her my suspicions as though they are truth, and it coaxes her to spill the beans. Only, she gets overly animated, and everyone in the pub can hear her. Even the barman. I can see him taking notes, and his eyes dart up to where the cage is.

I'd had my suspicions about him as well. Damn!

I wouldn't let either my mum or the barman out of my sight while I arranged for a transfer of my mum to another prison. They'd kill her if they knew what she'd told me! She wouldn't even have an hour. But at least I had my info.

Once my mum was en route to safe custody at another prison, we get the businesswoman down to the bar - if it fitted into her schedule. Hehehehehe, it fits in, she won't be doing any deals, or getting her people to talk to anyone's people for some time.

So, I tell her we know that she's been prostituting for these guys. She is very quick to admit it, it's the only commodity she's got in the prison, and she's still conducting business - and that's what fulfills her. But she won't give any details of the actual trade.

This is a slight problem. A bigger problem is stopping the trade altogether. In a surprise move for my conscious self, I threaten her: if she is caught communicating with any of them she will be whipped - and her back will be damaged.

I let her go back to her cell. She is trembling.

I watch her carefully. That's one less problem. As she gets to her cell, I see one of the guys walk through the gate of the cage. I smile a little smugly, when she pushes him away and he gets a little confused.

When he doesn't let her go straight away, this is my chance. Apparently, him being out of the impenetrable cage isn't reason enough to head up there. But putting an end to this harassment is.

I go up there, shouting even more smug now: "You heard the lady. She doesn't want anything to do with you anymore!"

I usher him back into the cell - with it's gaping gate. At least, we all know what is going to happen next. I start to bawl them out.

There must be thirty guys here - all of them immoral scum. I have no one else with me, and no protection. The theory went that there would be no comings or goings, so extra guards weren't really necessary. And then I realise, that at least one of them is not immoral scum, but rather amoral scum.

He's not thinking about consequences, he just gets excited. And he says that because he won't be getting any from his usual source, he'll be having sex with me this day.

I try to calm him, but the frenzy is contagious to this mob. How could I have been so stupid? I back towards the gate, fumbling for the keys. But they don't fit the gate's lock - because no one was supposed to get in or out.

Some of the guys are falling back - trying to be model prisoners, the rest are crowding in. I back up to the gate, but I am worried about an escape attempt. I manage to make it out of the cell, but I cannot close the gate in time, to stop some limbs from poking out of the gate.

I slam the gate hard. And it closes.

"Phew," I think. "Time to rethink the strategy for these guys."

I decide to take my model prisoners on a field trip. My sister and her two sons come with us.

My dad was meeting up with us also, he was pretty bored, seeing as mum was in prison. He brought my sister's dog with him.

We went on a nature walk. And I was beginning to realise this group wasn't a great combination. One of my prisoner began to play up, so I had to handcuff him. The other prisoners and my family, kept on going, so we lost them. It was just me and my handcuffed prisoner.

Then I heard a gun shot.

I imagined all sorts of horrible things. When we ran forwards, we discovered two hunters - but no family or other prisoners. At least the gun shot was explained.

We saw that their quarry was a small, pink dodo. They were very pleased with their kill. I was devastated. I understood the dodo to be extinct - and here they were shooting them. This could really be the last one, and now it's dead.

There was nothing for it. I used my magic to create two more of the small, pink dodoes. This delighted the hunters no end, and they shot the birds immediately.


OK, new strategy, perhaps if I create the birds in England, after all, Australia isn't quite the place for them to be. So I waved my hands, and created two little, pink dodoes on the other side of the world.

As I finished the hand movement, I realised that England was where hunting for sport originated, at least in my dream, and that the new birds also would have been shot down in delight already.

There was nothing for it. The birds that had been shot in front of me were cooked. And delicious. I ate them. The dodo going extinct was not something I could prevent.

When the alarm went off, I didn't want to get up. Funny that.

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