Note: This horse show happened in St. Joseph, Illinois on Tue, 11 Apr 2000
The Modern English Horse Show of 2000 and The Decline of the Western Show in Our
Thesis: If three views of a johnny on the spot can pick you up a hot thirteen year old girl, so to can a
horse leaping a series of horizontal parallel sticks.
ONE, a little rat dog by the Johnny by god's bod kin, he was
kicking his actual shit on the ground. kinda grinding it into the ground like a hoosier dog. He probably
learned that from some bumscrotum neighborhood mutt. Well we'll (Dan and I) be damned, an old
lady was sittin on that Spot holdin the leash, yeah that is right, the dog tuggin away as the lady
anti-tuggin turds out the rear. Specifically, the lady had closed the door on the leash that she still held
while she was dumping the bump.
TWO, an injured riding young dame carried out of the arena by her
mother, well we'll be fucked, she was being carried to the Johnny. Don't ever ask an injured rider if
they 'crashed', we learned that later from the 20.
THREE, i can't remember but that Johnny was strangely active the times we were near it.
Speaking of activity in proximity of the genitals, a young
girl 13 was puttin the flirt down on ole steve and dan. We were about to achieve outtie by that point
but it got interesting. Obviously i mean the genital activity was indirect, in that her genitals were not
on ours in the strict sense of the word.
Later, talk of sloppy joes <beef>, horse eggs <chicken>, a
horse-wolf-skirmish wound <blood> and a quiz on the definition of a bear <"Do you have any idea what
a bear is?"> and voila the young lady is pokin and hittin and pure coquetry <"do you know how tall I
am this year?">. All as horses painfully glanced their shins trying to jump over fences they couldn't
see upon approach.
Conclusion: (Steve's Conclusion) So i arrived at the barn, i had wanted to get some fast food but we
didn't have time, so from my experiences with the western shows i was expecting some sort of hot
dog stand or some shit, and this girl had told me they might have sloppy joes, this girl not being the
13 but being the one becoming a 20 that day that owns a horse named Brick that will spit out sloppy
joe but will eat carrot and hay, so i said in the crowd "man i guess they don't have sloppy joes," and a
random woman says, "you hungry come on i'll get you something" so there was a stand, and there
was sloppy joes, kickass eh. (Dan's Conclusion) So I arrived at the barn and noticed that there seemed
to be a current competition between a 40 year old man with a fat ass horse and a 10 year old girl with
severe horse aiming problems. I believe it very appropriate that this sport allows such competition
between not only the sexes but the ages as well. The 10 year old suffered a crushing defeat as her
horse would not leave the corner of the arena. Rev. Mr. Black was the winner.
tips for buying a horse:
1) make sure you buy an egg, they are very cheap 2) horse and chicken eggs are one and the same so
take a tip from me and ole friend 13 buy a chicken egg for $1 at the food stand.