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Note: This horse show happened in St. Joseph, Illinois on Tue, 11 Apr 2000

Essay 11:

The Modern English Horse Show of 2000 and The Decline of the Western Show in Our Eyes

Thesis: If three views of a johnny on the spot can pick you up a hot thirteen year old girl, so to can a horse leaping a series of horizontal parallel sticks.


ONE, a little rat dog by the Johnny by god's bod kin, he was kicking his actual shit on the ground. kinda grinding it into the ground like a hoosier dog. He probably learned that from some bumscrotum neighborhood mutt. Well we'll (Dan and I) be damned, an old lady was sittin on that Spot holdin the leash, yeah that is right, the dog tuggin away as the lady anti-tuggin turds out the rear. Specifically, the lady had closed the door on the leash that she still held while she was dumping the bump.

TWO, an injured riding young dame carried out of the arena by her mother, well we'll be fucked, she was being carried to the Johnny. Don't ever ask an injured rider if they 'crashed', we learned that later from the 20.

THREE, i can't remember but that Johnny was strangely active the times we were near it.

Speaking of activity in proximity of the genitals, a young girl 13 was puttin the flirt down on ole steve and dan. We were about to achieve outtie by that point but it got interesting. Obviously i mean the genital activity was indirect, in that her genitals were not on ours in the strict sense of the word.

Later, talk of sloppy joes <beef>, horse eggs <chicken>, a horse-wolf-skirmish wound <blood> and a quiz on the definition of a bear <"Do you have any idea what a bear is?"> and voila the young lady is pokin and hittin and pure coquetry <"do you know how tall I am this year?">. All as horses painfully glanced their shins trying to jump over fences they couldn't see upon approach.

Conclusion: (Steve's Conclusion) So i arrived at the barn, i had wanted to get some fast food but we didn't have time, so from my experiences with the western shows i was expecting some sort of hot dog stand or some shit, and this girl had told me they might have sloppy joes, this girl not being the 13 but being the one becoming a 20 that day that owns a horse named Brick that will spit out sloppy joe but will eat carrot and hay, so i said in the crowd "man i guess they don't have sloppy joes," and a random woman says, "you hungry come on i'll get you something" so there was a stand, and there was sloppy joes, kickass eh. (Dan's Conclusion) So I arrived at the barn and noticed that there seemed to be a current competition between a 40 year old man with a fat ass horse and a 10 year old girl with severe horse aiming problems. I believe it very appropriate that this sport allows such competition between not only the sexes but the ages as well. The 10 year old suffered a crushing defeat as her horse would not leave the corner of the arena. Rev. Mr. Black was the winner.

tips for buying a horse: 1) make sure you buy an egg, they are very cheap 2) horse and chicken eggs are one and the same so take a tip from me and ole friend 13 buy a chicken egg for $1 at the food stand.

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