I'm up way later than I wanted to be. I thought about skipping today entirely, but that would ruin my streak and that's important to me for whatever reason, maybe because it is a routine of mine. I didn't do much today, but I got two chapters written and that feels good. Apparently I can be counted on to write even if I'm not doing much else with my life at the moment. I talked to a friend of mine, he was the one Tinder match that I held onto, we never actually went out, we seemed to have an almost instant connection, we had a long chat the night that we met, but we very quickly realized we were not each other's type. He now has a woman that he's seeing somewhat seriously. He deleted his dating apps and told me he's interested in seeing where this could go. Today we talked for over an hour about his new woman, some of the red flags he sees, and how to move forward. He doesn't have a good relationship with his children, he's very emotionally fragile, and I can relate to that. He said he would be interested in talking to my therapist, he has a job even though he's officially retired. He had some kind words for me and I tried to build him up as best I could.
I went to play cards with my neighbors, but we ended up chatting which is fine. We all had some tales of woe, some good things that are happening in our lives, and it was kind of nice to see everyone in the same place again. I've known them for over a year and consider them to be good friends even if we don't really get together outside of cards. I've been invited to a Super Bowl party and I may or may not go, depending on how I feel. Football is not really my thing, it's at a restaurant, and I can't eat anything that they're serving, so part of me is already wanting to punt this event (pun intended). I had a lot of fun writing today, but realize that I do need to get my resume out there and do my taxes. I paid my rent and that hurt. My neighbor encouraged me to get a job in healthcare. I have part of a nursing degree, I could go back to school and finish that, but part of me just wants to get a job using the skill set that I have. I'm better off without the job that I had, today I got a text from a woman in my former department and that was tough. But I shook it off and tried not to let myself sink into a low mood. All in all a good day even though I'm kind of disappointed in myself. But writing was a blast so I'm taking that away as a positive.
Last night I had some crazy dreams. Jill was in my first one and I was so angry at her it was just awful. The bird I had as a child was in that dream. I was furious with her for not taking better care of him. It wasn't exactly a nightmare as far as terror goes, but it wasn't a good dream either. My next dream had a guy from work that I didn't really care for, we were on a pond type thing and I was trying to get across it. Then I spotted a blue painted thing that I hadn't seen earlier. I think the girls were in this dream, I was with other people, but don't remember much else beyond the pond and that guy. My third dream was very strange. I remember driving with these men I had never seen before in this big black SUV. We were driving in terrible weather. Someone said something about a tornado or a hurricane, gale force winds were whipping things around at us. We ended up at this diner style restaurant that had a big wide open space like a dance floor. I have no idea why it was just me and all of these guys, there were five or six of them, but nobody seemed to question us or why we were there in such horrible weather when nobody else was. Our server seated us, I told her I couldn't eat pancakes, and that's all I remember of that dream. Onto more and hopefully better dreams...
Xoxo,
J
P.S. I need to get back to that dream class I took where you are all the people in your dreams and the objects are significant for some reason or other. Writing them down is just phase one of that process.
j