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I dropped a class. University algebra. I'm simultaneously upset and pleased.

It's week 3 of the semester and I know, I know that I could not manage to pass the course. I got 7.5/20 on the first quiz. I managed to answer half the questions on the second quiz by the time limit, and three out of seven on the third.

I understand all the material in the textbook and lectures very well, but the time limits on the quizzes were just horrible. Horrible. Not to mention that half the problems on the quiz I didn't even have a clue how to solve. Yet I understood the material being taught. Which means that either I am an idiot (I don't think this is the reason but I probably am an idiot for unrelated reasons) or the course is just... difficult for no real reason. Anyway, I dropped it before the deadline, so I get my money back, with the exception of the money I spent on the class material. I think it was a weed-out course. I hear that some universities make courses deliberately hard to "weed out" students not committed to the major. Joke's on them! I have the textbook, so I can study from it during my free time this semester and also all summer long. The idea is that if I get through the material and memorize a bunch of formulas before attempting to take the class again, I should be able to breeze through the fall semester. I'm just taking math and programming classes, and programming is natural to me so it shouldn't be much at all.

My keyboard is really neat but I regret buying it. I bought it years ago, back when I spent legitimately all my free time working on a now-scapped literary project. I thought, "I sit and write for hours a day, I might as well get a keyboard that makes the experience more enjoyable." So, now I have a mechanical keyboard. It has the blue switches (there are different switch types). It has a bunch of features. Neat visual effects when I strike the keys; red ripples when you strike a key, or an RGB "bomb" with ground-zero at they key you strike and a radius of one key in all directions, and a bunch of others. I can change the color of the keyboard backlight between eight different options. I can also set the color of individual keys, as well as set up two different memorized combinations. (For a while my keyboard was red with the "asdf" and "jkl;" keys colored green. I also had it green with those keys colored red. As of the last few days I've been in a different mood, so it is set to a diffused sky-blue. The keyboard was $70. I didn't go for a budget mechanical keyboard, but I didn't go for a super good one either. The good ones cost hundreds, the budget ones are around $20-40. Actually, funny story -- I discovered the keyboard when I saw a person on YouTube using it, and I went and bought it the next day. I regret buying it. I think it's really neat, and it's worth the money, but I really, really, really do not need it. That being said, I have been using it so long that I cringe a tiny bit when I have to type on plebian keyboards. I'm used to the tactile resistance followed by a click. Some laptop keyboards are like that, but most keyboards just... don't do it. Also, it's really tiny. Deliberately. My desk isn't very big, I don't need or want a large desk, and a big keyboard takes up too much space on my desk. Which is great, but it's missing the function keys and numpad.

I can't play my favorite video game without a numpad. I would still play it with a different keyboard, but I got banned from their Discord server when I said "I hope nobody uses the 'it' pronoun tag". Which is a pretty benign thing to say. I do not believe in otherkin. If your gender identity is a tree or fairy or river, get therapy. Anyway, I will never play my favorite video game again because the people that create it are batshit crazy and it kind of ruins my ability to enjoy it.

I've been trying to get more assertive. Looking back on many experiences of my life, a common theme is the regret that I didn't assert myself. I don't want to make people angry, I don't want to piss them off. I don't avoid confrontation because that's bullshit. I have always just... shrinken into myself when I've gotten yelled at or been in some argument. So, I'm trying to be more assertive. Communicate. If I piss people off and I'm not being an asshole that is their personal problem.

I've had an obscene amount of water today. I've started keeping two glasses of water at my desk at all times and it's caused me to hydrate a lot better. Which is great. It doesn't hurt anything.

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