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Yesterday I worked my normal shift, it was slow at work which made the time drag. I got home late having forgotten that I had given my oldest permission to spend the night with a friend. It was really nice to be able to sleep in today. I'll also be able to get more sleep tomorrow since the people who have Jill are keeping her for another night. Some sort of stomach ailment afflicted the household so Jill missed school today. Keeping an unwell child overnight would not be my choice, but they live about 45 minutes away, the mom said she wasn't feeling the greatest, so maybe it's just easier to have Jill stay there again. Regardless, I enjoyed being able to go back to bed after the series of text that woke me up early this morning.

Normally I really enjoy writing, today it seems like every word is painful. My friend Sue came over this morning to help me clean and organize my place. I'm embarrassed to admit how filthy we let it get, but I didn't make too much of an effort to clean because I wanted her to see what type of problems I deal with (and avoid) on a regular basis. I was very anxious so we spent a few minutes with me doing things while she stood there. Then I decided to start at one end of the place and work toward the other. I moved a bookcase out of my closet and put it in my bedroom. That created some space for laundry and gave me a spot to shelve my books. 

The barstool I had there went back under my island. We left the bathroom alone and went to work in the kitchen. Cleaning out a drawer gave me room for my binders and calendars. That felt like a real victory. To be able to open a drawer, grab what I need, or to shove papers I don't have time to deal with right that minute into that drawer knowing I can file them later was a huge relief. I've been wanting to do that for some time, but with Sue there to help me make decisions about what to keep and what to donate, I was able to see the task through.

Another area we cleaned up was my cabinet above the dishwasher. We got rid of my orange mugs, put the white ones up, and moved some pretty glass bowls that I rarely use up to the top shelf. The plan is to see how frequently I actually use these things. My guess is not much which is okay. I bought them at the thrift store so it isn't a huge loss if they go back, but it's still rather annoying to have purchased something I'm not really using and not sure I want anymore. I kept four of everything except the salad plates. I have six and we use them more often than anything else so I'm fine with that. Over the weekend I found two blue Mason jars to add to my collection, they're new and I can tell the difference, but they're pretty and I'm happy with the purchase.

Now my entire cabinet is neatly organized with what I need and infrequently used items are at the top where they belong. I pride myself on being the organized type, but I feel that this was money that was very well spent even if I didn't get as many things accomplished as I had hoped. Things that were helpful about the session in no particular order:

  1. Recognizing the need for greater order 
  2. Realizing that I was tapped out 
  3. Having someone who is practical 
  4. Having someone who is kind 
  5. Seeing things you don't
  6. Getting recognition for things I have done that are working well
  7. Attacking problems from a design standpoint and focusing on how they are used in real life
  8. Hearing that it will never be perfect 
  9. Having a set amount of time and stopping once that limit was reached - easily the biggest advantage since I would have kept going and spent all day burning myself out on this
  10. The joy of seeing a stronger foundation being laid

Several people were very critical of me when I announced I was going to do this. Having her over was a necessity, not a luxury. She needed the money, I needed her wisdom, insights, and some support from another mom who has been through some of the challenges I'm currently facing. We're going to meet again next week, I can do a few things on my own before then, but I'll be looking forward to having her knock on my door next Monday. The social time was as valid as everything else. I felt understood, supported, encouraged, validated, and am currently more motivated and optimistic than I was. Not bad for an hour and a half session with a good friend. 

Until next time,

P.S. This is probably an entirely separate writeup, but I forgot to mention that I signed up for Mint and several other money management apps. Ever since I met that guy who works at Verizon and found out he's into finance I've been tackling some of these issues I've been avoiding. I actually drove to the bank to talk to my banker about investments, but it was closed due to President's Day. One thing that made me kind of sad happened yesterday. A guy I used to really like sent me a text asking if I was okay. I had gone on Twitter and told people that I was feeling low and lonely. I didn't mean to alarm anyone, but he was concerned. Talking to him was nice, but I no longer feel the same way about him and that was tough. Getting over a former crush is a weird process.

Today I told a guy I had a Twitter crush on him after he sent out a tweet asking people to DM their crush. I wasn't sure how he would respond, he sent me a kissing emoji back, that was a pleasant surprise. I think we both kind of like each other, but there's not enough there to make it work. I dunno, relationships and feelings are complicated, but I'm giving Verizon guy space and despite how difficult that is, I'm very proud of myself for not pestering him. Today on Twitter I read that there's a word for the situation when two people desire something, but neither of them wants to make a move. Who knows, maybe he never even thinks of me. That would be okay too. I need that type of closure and I doubt I'll get it. Being an adult is hard, but I'm learning. Excited to go into work tomorrow. Feel like I made significant progress here at home...

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