It's been a while, but I can't rememember who I told what to so here's a short update in the sort of chaotic order that only the mostly mad could produce. Met with my physician's assistant and my regular therapist. PA wanted to put me on new meds since I failed the Lamictal test. The new meds are $1,139 per month, and after talking to my regular therapist, I'm not going to start taking them until we iron out what exactly I have. Apparently there are entire conferences devoted to the difference between the bipolar and those with borderline personality disorder. For me the key distinction is one is behavioral and the other requires you to be on drugs for the rest of your days on earth or for as long as you can afford to keep taking these meds.
I still have insane levels of anxiety although my home is a lot more functional than it was. Sunday I took my girls in to meet my new niece. The girls went downstairs to watch a movie with their cousin while the adults stayed upstairs. My brother napped on the couch, I held the baby for a while, drove home, and got almost no sleep. I didn't get much sleep the night after that. My youngest woke up at 2:22 when I did to see if I had plugged in her iPad to charge it which says something about how important that thing is to her. When I went to bed there was a note on my door asking if I could please remember to charge it for her. These devices have taken over our lives, but I'm reclaiming some of the minutes I have left by managing my screen time somewhat better.
Yesterday I did something super cool. For years I've been trying to sell the idea of better footwear to the baseball community. I'm pretty sure I wrote about this somewhere, but I created a new Twitter account for my fledgling business and even wrote half a dozen articles on a site other than here. Scary times, but I felt like it might be time to start unraveling the E2 apron strings even if I was too scared to cut them through. When I started watching games and taking notes I would have a couple pages of notes and several pages for my readers to stare at. Now I've streamlined the process considerably which is very exciting. I went through different formats to figure out which would work best when I finally threw it out to Twitter.
When a guy I know asked for a couple of players I thought to myself, I can do better than that. I had watched several games where his team played others so I tried to remember what I could from those games while supplementing holes in my memory with pictures I found when I searched. When I was done I should have taken some time to pat myself on the back, but I kept going until I couldn't remember who had played left field for the Giants. Sometimes knowing when to stop is more important than the original idea itself so I'm really happy that I put down my pen when I did. I was going to throw my clothes in the dryer, but hung them up like the more environmentally responsible person that I am becoming.
There was a lot more I was going to write, but I'm really tired so this is going to be short. We went to knitting on Tuesday. I may be ready to start a project when we meet again. Despite not studying for my test I did fairly well, and anticipate this next one will be easier. Dentistry is a completely sickening industry when you really get into it. Maybe you already knew that, but I think I had a more romantic view of it despite knowing that things like root canals existed. We could have watched an hour long video on extractions. We'll have to watch that next time. I'm not looking forward to that, but suspect I'll make it. I was hungry all day at school even after a good breakfast, snack, and lunch.
Today we had our radiography test. We had fifteen minutes to take eighteen x-rays. While that may seem like plenty of time you have to remember that we're new to this and there's a lot of fiddling around when you're the next level up from incompetent. I was impressed when a classmate of mine turned in a time of fourteen minutes and one second, and very pleased when my time came in at eleven minutes and forty-six seconds although I got some help from the instructor on positioning. This is one of my least favorite things to do so I'm glad that went well. The other thing I don't really care for, you know the practical part of the job that I'd actually be doing, is sitting in the chair and holding the different things or passing instruments.
A woman who works there told me I might enjoy working for a prosthodontist since I enjoy fabricating. When I talked to my therapist about this she thought maybe I would enjoy working in a lab since she thinks I'm artistic and creative. I have to say that making the temporary crown has been my favorite thing so far. I can't really figure out why other people don't love it, but they don't understand why I hate some of the things they're better at than I am. I have to remember that I am getting into a new field and can't expect myself to know everything right away or be amazing at anything. Some people are good book learners, that would be me. Others are good at the practical side, that would be my friend who is almost failing. It's not fair that we can't somehow merge our skills and become a super assistant, but I guess that's just not how things works which is a bit of a bummer. Off to bed soon, hope you are well...
jess