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I am alone here.

I know.



Before me is darkness. Behind me is darkness.

Darkness is all around me and all I want to do is lie down on the floor and go to sleep. Floor. Ground. The surface upon which I am standing.

Lie down and go to sleep.


If I lie down and go to sleep everything will go away. There will be no fear, no sorrow, no joy, nothing. There will be nothing. And nothing is better than this. This is despair.



Why am I here? I begin to remember now. Though I still cannot say where here is, I remember what I did... to get here? I remember.

Backwards. My memory works backwards. I remember... the nothingness. And before that I remember pain. So much pain. In a flash. Screaming. I did scream, yes. Pain, fear. Regret?

Ah yes. I didn't want to, when it came to that. But by then it was too late. Fear. No, terror. Regret, pain... nothingness. And I remember bliss. I remember the feeling when the pain stopped, just before the nothingness. A feeling of such relief.

I see in my mind now how I look down, between my feet, onto the street. So so far below me. And I feel the wind pulling on my clothes, wanting to push me this way and that. I remember being certain that this is the only way out of the hell I have created... she has created for me.

I see her glittering diamond eyes staring into mine when she tells me she will never, ever let me go. Ever. And I remember how she makes me feel castrated. Impotent. Unable to break free of her. I don't love her. I hate her... hate. But she says she craves me.



I remember her husband's eyes, staring into mine, pupils dilated from shock and pain as I slide the knife into his abdomen. I pull it out. I punch it in again. I want to erase him. He needs to be gone, she told me, before I can have her. And I remember him falling to the floor; falling forever to the floor leaving me standing with the bloody knife in my hand.

He is safe! If I knew how to laugh here, I would. But I can't. The darkness is crowding me with its nothingness, and I am drowning.

And I should be safe from her here. I want... I don't know what I want. I never wanted to be able to want again, but I am. I don't want to.

I am afraid. I am terrified. If I could draw breath I would scream and scream and scream. But I cannot, and I... I...




"I told you."

No. Nono. This can't be happening.

"I will never, ever let you go, my love!"

I am pulled apart, and I want to scream with pain and fear. But I have no breath and no voice. And now the darkness is fading into grey... brighter and brighter... Light! Piercing, searing, scorching me. Killing me.

No no. I am already dead. I have to be. I jumped. I fell for forever, and I hit the street. Oh my god the pain. And then the bliss. But this is her voice.

Another voice tells me things I can't understand, but I know what it is telling me to do. My eyes open. I can see. And I feel my body again, hanging from my mind like a lump of rotting meat.

"Look at me, love."

I turn my head, and again I want to scream. But I can't. She sits there, in a chair, beautiful, looking at me with her diamond eyes. Beside her stands a man, holding an intricate construction of twigs, string, beads, feathers, and... hair. He hands it to her, and she holds it lovingly to her cheek.

"I told you I would never let you go, my love. And trying to die was a stupid idea. Yes, you are dead. But a very special kind of dead also known as undead. And now you truly are mine forever and ever..."


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