1. If you hear something trying to enter your tent at night, sit up and say in a clear, calm voice that you are not receiving visitors, but it is welcome to visit in the morning. If a stranger appears the next day asking for entrance to your camp, invite them in and give them food and drink. This will give you good luck for the rest of your stay.

American author Bonnie Quinn digitally published a tetralogy of books for Amazon Kindle, which were consolidated and edited versions of a web series which began on the r/goatvalleycampgrounds and r/nosleep subreddits in 2019-2020. The four books of the series are titled The Man With No Shadow, The Lady in Chains, The Horse-Eater, and The Beast.

3. Don’t follow the lights. I can’t believe I even have to say this one. Don’t follow the lights.

The series has since had several of its episodes adapted for the NoSleep horror podcast, found here, and the original text of the series can be found here on the Goat Valley Campgrounds website and here on reddit.

9. The lady in chains is not in distress. Do not try to help her. It is a trap and she will kill you.

The series How to Survive Camping follows protagonist Kate, the owner of an incredibly haunted campground which, despite its haunted status, is still one of the most popular vacation spots in her state. The series progresses in an episodic monster of the week fashion, as increasingly dangerous forces attempt to seize control away from Kate, and Kate fights to preserve the balance between the mundane and supernatural worlds that intersect around her home. Each episode revolves around a single peculiar rule or ritual which campground visitors must adhere to, and the reasons why that rule was added to the list; as such, this series is in the rulepasta and ritualpasta genres of horror, along with having most of the characteristics of both the urban fantasy and American gothic genres.

17. Be wary of a friendly man that may approach you in shaded areas. Try to convince him to move into the sunlight. If he casts a shadow, you can assume it’s another camper and proceed accordingly. Otherwise, end the conversation immediately. He is trying to earn your trust.

Reading this series incrementally as its episodes released, in realtime, was one of the rare truly excellent pleasures of the COVID-19 epidemic lockdowns, for me, and it is clear that the same is true for thousands of other readers who followed along avidly, all of us kept in suspense week after week as Bonnie Quinn and Kate worked their narrative magic. The series is evocative, atmospheric, and astonishingly cathartic, with satisfying resolutions to every subplot, and no threads left hanging without closure. Reddit has been the source of many amazing serial narratives which later saw digital publication to Kindle, like The Phenomenon by R. K. Katic and Evergreen by Jackson Haime.

20. I only have one brother. He is younger than me and his name is Tyler. If you meet anyone claiming to be my older brother, inform camp management immediately. He is not my brother.

The sequel series, How to Survive College, is indexed on the subreddit here, as well, and it follows a secondary character from the first series, as she attends a university which is every bit as haunted and preternatural as the Goat Valley Campgrounds are. I heartily recommend both series to anyone who enjoys an intricate mystery layered with an abundance of diverse horror, ranging from body horror to more esoteric and high-concept forms of horror, with overall optimistic themes and compelling characters.

Iron Noder 2024, 14/30

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