i remember the day
i outgrew the way i spelled my name
and it shifted a new movement in me.
a new arc - sonata in the making. Harmonies i hadn't written yet
a beating in my chest. sending ripples to the earth.
i opened my mouth and deleted the version of myself I created
in sweet wholesome femininity.
it tasted like nothing at all.
fifteen months later and my name was still an alias.
then one day he climbed my fence and broke down the front door
his voice crashed over me like a tumultuous wave
bringing forth the dormant she-beast who lived in my ribcage,
my name was terra nullius, and my body was nubile.
i let my hair grow wild and sharpened my teeth
my insides burned for him.
i salivated -
listening hungrily as he rose me from the sleepless and called me
my eyes grew desensitised to the burning flames
i got smarter and my heart got harder.
i stopped flinching
and started wearing burgundy lipstick.
i felt so young and I didn't know that twenty-two would ache
like an old wound I hadn't earned yet.
my claws ripped his neck when he called me Bitch.
i howled all night long.
when the taste of cheap wine didn't make me gag anymore i knew
i'd forgotten how to be gentle.
even now i know that
my sturdy human body will take approximately seven years
to replace every single cell until i am new again.
all my blood, skin, hair and bones
gone into the ether.
i am not finished. i am still sealing the cracks with molten gold.
i am inside the kiln at the core of the planet
enveloped in healing embers.
but one day,
my body will erupt with feathers
and thick sheets of ash will fall from my perfect body.
the Mother will smile at me once more
as i fly with new wisdom
to the beginning.