From the beginning, I'd known that I wasn't the same as all the other kids. For one thing, I was an only child. Apparently, the National Assembly and the Senate had encountered some trouble conceiving, and referred to me as their "little miracle." I spent the first few years of my life roaming the streets of Paris, until the time came when the President informed me that I would have to go to grammar school.

I never fit in. On the first day, the teacher asked everyone what their parents' names were. When my turn came, I began to rattle off the names of 577 government ministers. "Quel moron est!" snickered the other children behind my back.

That day, I rushed home to the Palais Bourbon in tears, only to find no familiar faces. I later discovered that parliamentary terms had just ended, and most of my parents had left government service.

I refused to acknowledge my "new daddies and mommies" for six weeks. The constant shifts in parenting caused me to see Queen Elizabeth II as a sort of mother figure, although my hopes were dashed by the fact that the Royal Guards didn't speak French and were unwilling to learn.

From then on, I grew up in a hostile atmosphere. The new Senators didn't approve of the 1981 government's "little project" and would've been glad to be rid of me. Only Francois Mitterand still cared, although the rest of the Socialists didn't agree.

But life got even more difficult. When cohabitation came into force, the Palais became hostile territory. My parents were constantly fighting and had no time for me. I spend years angry and hostile to any government officer that tried to even speak to me. My schoolwork slumped.

As soon as I turned eighteen, I took my chance to rebel -- I informed my parents that I was joining the FN (National Front). Le Pen was glad to have an insider, and a child of the French government, no less. The press had a field day.

"Jean-Luc," PM Alain Juppe implored me, "don't join the FN. They're just hatemongers! I know you're very angry at us right now, but don't take it out on the people of France. You have a mandate!"

"Je n'ai aucun mandat!" ("I have no mandate!") I shouted, turning a few heads in the chamber. "The French people have rejected me by electing the ministers that reject me! The FN is my new home now." With that, I packed my bags and left.

The rest is history. I proceeded to Parliament in the 2002 elections, and fought against the men I'd once called my family. Huge FN purges left me on the street... just another example of why the government should be kept out of family life.

Veuillez noter que je ne suis pas né en France, et cette histoire est tous les mensonges.

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