Man-Eating Termites: A Cautionary Tale
There was once a man, whose name was William, and he was a happy man. He had a glamourous wife, who had passed away by the time of this story, and unfortunately, a seven year old child, Peter. One day the son was plugging himself into his personal television, as was his custom, when he saw yet another wonderful program. Anyway, the point is that he was watching computer animated cartoons, and these gave him brain rot!
It followed cartoon morals, like most cartoons that are widely available for people of little Peter's age. This was a bad thing as the behavior of the creatures was fundamentally wrong, and this led to unrealistic expectations; his number cruncher of a brain had been fed the wrong information, and so could not help putting falacies in his mighty bank of "The Facts of Life". Unluckily, this episode featured Samuel the Godly Preacher managing to bring a colony of man-eating termites to having faith in God, enabling them to live in harmony with the rest of his flock (both human and otherwise), while maintaining a total abstinence from human flesh.
Little Peter was enthralled. He loved the tiny little eyes in their invertebrate faces, and their facial expressions as they sang hymns of praise to their cleric and his god (Vecna). He decided he wanted his own tribe of worshippers.
So he campaigned with the aforementioned happy man (also his father) so he could have them.
His father was a sensible guy, and so knew all about the dangers of man-eating insects..
Here, beloved reader, you must choose your ending:
- A: He bought the child a colony of man-eating termites, then left the country
- B: He explained that the termites would eat his flesh, and forbade any purchases of them
- C: He locked the liability into his room, before installing bars on the windows to prevent escape
- D: He threw the television out the window, and tied Peter to his bed for a day.
- E: He cast the son out into the wilderness of the outside world
A: The child tried to convert them. He failed and was reduced to a skeleton.
Flesh Hungry Termite Colony - save vs. spell
Peter - Death
He left the TV on, until it overheated and the house burnt down
Flesh Hungry Termite Colony - Death
William gained 75 experience
B: The child was enraged by his father eminently sensible lack of faith in his converting ability. He arranged the purchase on the internet using his father's credit card.
Flesh Hungry Termite Colony - save vs. spell
Peter - Death
William - Death
The colony then starved to death.
Flesh Hungry Termite Colony - Death
C: Peter cried for help and was removed by Social Services. They gave him a set of foster parents. He then used their credit card to buy termites.
Flesh Hungry Termite Colony - save vs. spell
Peter - Death
Set of foster parents - Death
The colony then starved to death.
Flesh Hungry Termite Colony - Death
D: Child was freed from brainwashing influence of the television. He suffered withdrawal effects, but could not do anything as he was tied to his bed.
Peter changed class to tolerable child
William gained 48000 quest experience
William - Level Up
E:
Peter has acquired: Personality
Flesh Hungry Termite Colony - Charmed
Peter created himself a Dark Kingdom with his tiny, yet lethal army.
Peter has changed alignment to Chaotic Evil
This was the start of a reign of terror, that was unstoppable.
The moral of this the ability to speak does not infer intelligence or common sense, especially with young children. You should also throw away your television if you feel your child may be addicted.
Thank you for listening