Alright, so recently my friends have been all excited about TheSpark's Personality Test. It's actually quite clever - it does some standard personality test stuff, and then some off the wall stuff, gives you a rating and a personality type and then - the clever part: interconnects you to everyone you know (whose email you list) to everyone they know, etc etc...

I thought (and still do think) this was dandy. But then this showed up in my mailbox yesterday... (names removed)

Hi Andy, I don't know you either... M__________ S________ (or perhaps it was T_______) sent me the personality test which, as best as I can tell, pushes psychological testing to its limits. I trust it completely. That being the case, I must insist that we honor the results of the test and spend the next ten to fifteen years cuddling, knitting each other anniversary presents when the time comes, and adopting stray cats that we will name after our most admired film stars. Just a thought.

After 15 or 16 years, you'll probably grow tired of me (they ALL grow tired of me), and you'll shack up with that temp from your office -- the one that called you "Sweetie" and "Babe" at the Christmas party. I'll be devastated: I never strayed once!

I'll retire to a quiet life in the country, dabbling with acrylics and wallowing in regret for not being attractive enough, interesting enough to hold your attention. Maybe if I were just more, I don't know, exciting? Perhaps I'll rediscover myself, perhaps not. Either way, it's not your problem any more. I'm not your problem any more. You're busy on the beach with that blond thing, while I'm attending to a hoard of aging cats that, long ago in happier times, we named together. Joan, Bette, Mae, Demi, Pia... As each one dies, so too does a little bit of me, and my hopes for a reconciliation dwindles as each mangy feline keels over.

Ultimately, it was the overpass that did me in -- not the "Belltower Incident" as everyone expected. I loved the world too much to take anyone out. I waited for an hour in the cool breeze until a behemoth of an RV barreled down the highway; my feet left the payment and our relationship plagued me no more.


The internet: it's all fun and games till someone pokes your eye out. Actually, I plan on responding - hopefully this will become my new addiction.

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