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I cut myself off from the news and most of social networking. It's been tough even after such a short time. I just couldn't stand seeing , even seeing it through the lens of my ridiculously small friend group - many of whom I met here. I don't want to see news because I don't want to even see the outrage that exists and the celebrations on the other side. Can't do it. I have at least 4 years or more of it coming up that I'll have to endure it.

Still, I can't see what's happened through the lens of such outrage and anger - and posting it here gives me somewhere to express it without feeling like I need to get some kind of response - from friends who already agree with so much of my own perspective. News sources only show me what I already knew a year ago and dreaded when it happened... and now it happened and it's been almost a week... and I have no real words that can make me feel anything other than this sadness and despair.

Ugh, I hate posting shit like this is such an open forum as it opens me up. Maybe it should.

I am angry that people just let this happen... by not voting, by somehow needing to be "inspired" by a candidate (something that i find laughably asinine). I have no good words for anyone right now.

But I've isolated myself now, and I don't feel as if this has been social enough for me to feel like I have to stay away from it. I can't speculate now about the future, it's all complete chaos and people have embraced chaos.

I don't see hope for the rest of my life on this world... which is sad, I think. I'm not old, I just think that the damage is going to persist long after I'm done.

Sweet persons of this grand collective.


It's been a while since I delivered anything of personal contribution to this site, and as such I feel I have quite a debt to repay, not for any particular reason other than sensing a kind of obligation to always write, and if I can't write well, to write honestly. Well, here goes.

So a couple of months ago I got started on a new education. I had found and applied to a school that offered higher education, and somehow been admitted despite my numerous flaws. I was ecstatic, or rather, I was content with the development of things. I haven't really been ecstatic about a life development since I was a small child, I believe.

At any rate, I moved my belongings to new places, got adjusted to a new city and address, and moved along to the other side of the country, in some attempt to make my youthful twenties count for something. In itself, this was a sound call of judgement, so I had nothing to fear but fear itself. Other than the inevitable color vision test that came with my newfound passion, of course. Well, I failed, so there's that. I can never practice the full extent of my education, even if I dutifully complete three years of honest-to-god school to obtain it.

At this moment I'm faced with either completing education, choosing soft life and known frames, but agreeing to a half-use of my education (office and travel type positions), or finding something else to do with my life. I really can't tell what is best for me, for others at this moment. I know for sure my family will be sated with knowing I remain in the place I am, as opposed to travel the continent with a backpack and terrible access to food.

I don't even know why I'm throwing this into the void. This has always been a good site for me, and I wish it would always be so. Doubtful.


Still. Thanks for reading. Message me for whatever.

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