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1994 movie directed by and starring Steven Seagal, co-starring a very embarrased looking Michael Caine and also featuring an early performance by Billy Bob Thornton.

This film is, of course, absolute pants. Whoever thought that Steven should be allowed to direct must have been insane or attempting to get fired. Steven uses it all to his advantage of course, taking the opportunity to not only beat the crap of 500 rig workers simultaeneously, but to then stop and deliver moving speeches which convert them all to his fluffy-brained, West-coast Save The Penguins eco-philosophy. My personal favourite moment:

STEVEN SEAGULL beats the living crap out of a rig worker, trashing most of a bar in the process. Just as he's about to go in for the kill, he pauses. His eyes well up with tears as he stares at the battered worker.

STEVEN SEAGULL : "What does it take to change the essence of a man?"

The RIG WORKER doesn't do the logical thing, which is to reach for a broken chair leg and twat STEVEN SEAGULL in the nuts. Instead he suddenly sees the ERROR OF HIS WAYS. His lower lip starts to tremble and he begns to cry.

RIG WORKER : "I can change. I swear I can change."

STEVEN SEAGULL smiles serenely. Small children shower him with rose petals.


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