In Finland we have an obligatory military service. Aye, there's also a possibility to do civil service instead or go to prison but I rather don't call em options because the former is much longer and the latter, well, it's a prison! I was so much sick when I was in the army that I wonder what kind of file they have about me. We had several training periods in nature, sleeping - hmm, I wouldn't call it sleeping but - in tents when it was -15 degrees Celsius outside and sometimes even worse. One time was enough for me and I managed to slip out the rest of them.

Pretending to be sick was number one choice. People used fake a lot their body temperature and it succeeded when there was training for a day or two only. But if the camp was going to take a week you needed extra flavours. Once I went to see a doctor and just before the appointment I put my fingers in my throat and managed to puke. I had hilarious time in the army hospital eating diet food in order to get well from vomiting spasms. Meanwhile the others were playing duck and cover for five long stormy early spring days. Incidentally there were four other guys with "diarrhea" and "vomits"...

A month before we were sent home from the army we had a major war simulation period lasting two weeks. This was the time no tricks were spared in order to avoid the whole show. It was said that one guy took HIV test couple of days before the "final war" and because it took over a week to get the result he was sent to home due to all the pressure involved. I mean, you sure wait the result in horror and even they say military intelligence is an oxymoron they are not that stupid to give live ammunation for such a person.

Me and friend had a different approach: We pretended to have serious mental problems. My mate told the psychiatrist that he couldn't sleep at all. Consuquently he was sent home a month and a half early. I told the shrink I was having serious motivational problems but he wasn't buying this shit. But he led me discuss about asthma and finally he swallowed the hook: I was sent to the main military hospital in Helsinki while others left for the "final war". I already knew I was practically saved but something had to be done that they wouldn't send me soon after.

In the main military hospital they first made some running and breathing tests but I excelled even though I tried to fake the tests. I decided not to eat anything while there and that was a good bet: I was sent to another shrink and he was making pretty strange questions I can't recall anymore. Anyway, I was very tense because I was scared if I'm a poor actor. As a result I mumbled something nonsensical. The doctor turned away for a while and I saw what he had written: "The patient suffers from stress disorder and is clearly depressed. The tone of speach is extremely bouncing." And then something else I couldn't understand - you know the doctoral handwriting. He turned back to me and offered so called "happiness pills". I refused to take them because "I don't believe in that shite". And then the salvation: "I send you to the home care for a week." You don't believe how difficult it was to hold straight face. Fireworks were shot in my mind and the parties began in my relieved soul! The military service was practically over.

Pardon me choosing more applicaple node title...

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