Reaction (
noun): the
result of an
action which has a
specific,
identifiable cause.
To
act is to
control yourself according to your
desires/
dictates/
values/etc.
To
react is to act according to
external stimulus, often in a way which may be against what your act would be were you not stimulated.
When someone does something to
get your goat, you may choose to act or react. By choosing to act you are keeping control of
yourself,
emotionally,
physically, etc. You are determining your
response, if any, and doing so in a wise manner which will allow you to continue to act rather than react.
If, in the same situation, you react, you are essentially allowing the
person goading you to
control your actions.
Take any one of the tens of thousands of
emotionally charged nodes on e2. Read the
statements. Are these people acting in a way which shows they are in control of themselves, or are they instead reacting to the original post, the title of the node, or to each other?
Often people
goad others not to see 'how far they can be
pushed', but instead to
exert control over the individual they are goading. This can be very
self gratifying for those who have
low self esteem themselves, but know how to push peoples buttons. While their values may be
skewed, they are acting rather than reacting (at least initially).
What can you do? Well, there are many good
practical ways to avoid reacting and start acting (such as count to ten when upset, controlling anger, etc),
the root of the problem lies in your
perception of what the other person is doing or is trying to
communicate. If they are trying to
upset you - realize what it is they are doing and
ignore inflamatory comments. You know they are trying to goad you, so why let them control you? Their
statements are
false shells which are intended to upset you, not to communicate with you. Perhaps they don't realize what they're doing. You can start by telling them that their
communication patterns are
aggravating for you - this is acting, instead of reacting.
This is one of the
tenets of business communcation.