“George, you’ll be late for school!” George sullenly got up from the breakfast table, sighed, and walked outside. Normally, he would have promptly left after finishing his cereal, but he felt something was just... wrong.
After some time, he was finally on his bike and quickly approaching the school. It would be some time before he arrived, so he took the time to reflect on what had happened. He led a quiet life, spending most of his time biking or staring mindlessly at the television screen. He had hopes to one day be an oceanographer, and was working hard to achieve that goal. All in all, he enjoyed living. Today, however, something felt, well, out of place.
It happened again. George was two minutes away when he felt a chilling lurch. He quickly got off the bike, hoping that the feeling would go away before long. He quickly glanced behind him, and noticed a man slowly walking down the street. At first, George ignored the person, but he soon felt the man was trying to follow him.
“Wait!” The man cried as he bolted down the street, immediately catching up to George. George wanted to avoid the man, perhaps get on his bike and quickly ride away, but his nerves were keeping him in place. “Allow me to introduce myself,” The man calmly said, “I am W. R. Iter. Allow me to note that your life will no longer be a quiet string of bike and television events. Expect a surge of excitement in your life!”
“What?” George incredulously replied. W. R. Iter leaned closer to George. “Actually, I wanted you to have a normal living scenario,” he murmured, “But my publisher wants an exciting story. I really don’t understand why he has to stick to stupid restrictions.” With that, he vanished.
The next several events happened so quickly, many readers have noted, that the only thing typed up was a quick summary. He was forced into the choir (despite the fact he was nearly tone-deaf), shoved into the There is a Pickle on West Street play the school was doing (despite the fact he had no acting talent), and tossed into advanced math class (despite the fact he hated math).
George was, quite obviously, mad at W. R. Iter for disrupting his life. As George thought about it, the only thing that came to mind was revenge. He began to formulate a plan…
The next day, George was biking to school as usual. It will soon be time, he thought, just before turning into one of the numerous alleys. After some time, he pulled out a large list and began to read:
“One of the most interesting things about my new Life is the fact that everything that happens to me is terrible. So now, I will read a shopping list:”
About sixty pages later (shortened for the convenience of the reader), W. R. Iter finally had enough of George’s little trick. He quietly materialized right in front of George. “Do you know what you are doing?” he pleaded, “The amount of paper wasted by your not-so-little list will have devastating consequences to the ecosystem, not to mention what my publisher will think!”
“It’s your fault. You made my life “exciting”,” George retorted.
“Fine,” the man muttered, “I’ll gladly take away your excitement if you’ll just stop the stupid list!”
George was waiting for this. He almost immediately stopped, hopefully waiting for W. R. Iter to return his life to what it once was. Unfortunately, he realized a little too late that the man only mentioned removed, not returning.
All traces of George suddenly and spontaneously vanished from W. R. Iter’s story. “Well,” the man muttered, “I guess this is it. Maybe some of the readers will learn that revenge always fails in the end!”