"For rain and leaves and snow and tears and stars and that's not all my friend, they all fall with confidence and grace. So let it fall. Let it fall."
Over the Rhine
I am over my strep A again. The antibodies felt worst around the fourth to fifth week and then subsided. I was very very tired again as they dropped, but I had a vacation planned and got to sleep a lot.
It is still disconcerting that I don't have the usual strep throat, which would be easily recognized. But at least I did recognize it and did not have sepsis symptoms. Caught and fought early.
Since I am now in the realm of mystery and the main response of specialists is "We don't know," I've gone to an alternative provider this week. I've taken a medicine today. The provider thinks I have a reservoir of grief from when I was a child and that I need to release this. You are welcome to think this is hooey, but the most unacceptable emotions in my family as a child were grief and fear, which would be met with rejection or humiliation from both parents. That sounds unforgivable, but I think that the emotions that parents reject are the ones where they have the deepest reservoir. If they cannot handle their own painful feelings, they would not welcome those feelings in a child.
So how do I release that? Good question. I don't really know, but I trust. I talked to my minister this week and he has loaned me Robert Johnson's Transformation and Edward Eidinger's Encounter with the Self: a Jungian Commentary on William Blake's Illustrations of the Book of Job. Does that sound odd? I've sent my minister my poems for years and every so often he suggests we meet. I go in without an agenda and I come out with ideas and books. I spent the vacation reading a translation of Goethe's Faust, and Transformation is about that and other things.
What have you released? How do you release things?
Over the Rhine: Let it fall