2019 Jun 18

15 minutes: Why would you want to know that

"You don't think I have a right to know?"

"Why do you think you have a right to know anything?"

"I care about you. I want to make sure you're alright, make sure we're all alright."

"Where do you draw the line?" I was ready to leave. "When does it become too much? Is anything too much?"

"I just want to protect you. I just want to make the best decisions possible."

"That's just the excuse you tell yourself."

"It's not an excuse. It's exactly why informed decision making is important."

I didn't want to hear it. My mind was already out the door, and now my body followed.

"Where are you going?"

"There you go with the questions," I shouted back.

Five minutes later, I was on the road with no particular direction in mind - needed to blow off steam before I could cause any irreversible damage.

The sun was baking hot but I didn't care. It was a change of scenery. It distracted me. There was too much going on in my mind, and I needed the time to slowly drain them away. Hour by hour.

I could feel a sunburn coming on. If I were smart, I would've picked some place in the shade to wait, a mall even. But I didn't care about that either. It just didn't matter.

At times like those, what really did matter. I didn't know.

I didn't want to deal. With any of it. Not when it came with that much aggravation. There were so many better things I could have been doing with my time, and I just wanted to do them in peace.

The sun eventually fell out of the sky and the evening crowd began to show up. A different demographic. The daytime culture was much more casual. The evening one was there to impress.

It was time for me to go, but I didn't have a good place to go to.

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