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The other night I was drifting toward sleep, thinking about E2, and in particular the 6502 opcodes metanode. This started me reminiscing about the good old days when I used to write assembly language on the C64.

Then a weird thing happened.

You know that period between wakefulness and sleep, where surreal dreamlike thoughts start crowding your consciousness without your permission? And you know how, in dreams, bizarrely dissociated concepts can melt together into a grotesque hybrid, like those dreams where you're talking to your mother but she somehow appears in Joan of Arc's body? (Hmm. Maybe that's just me.)

Well, as I lay there fantasising about hardcore coding, I suddenly realised that the mental movie I was viewing featured me sliding my penis, surprisingly sans condom, into my girlfriend; however, my brain was not interpreting this as sex: instead, the implicit understanding was that the X-rated image was actually a symbolic representation of me writing 6502 assembler.

When I realised exactly how fucked up this was, I woke up pretty fast. I knew instantly, of course, that this had to be noded; and I also got interested in analysing the reasons that my subconscious had spawned something so unusual. (Do 8-bit microprocessors turn me on? Or do I view sex as a cerebral challenge akin to those faced when writing complex programs in 64K of RAM?) Hence, the comparison below:

Similarities between assembly language and unprotected sex

When you screw things up, you can screw up bigtime. The layers of type checking and scoping and grammatical rules which separate you from the machine when coding in a high-level language are a type of syntactic condom.

They both feel soooo much better than their respective alternatives.

Software written in assembler runs fast. Likewise, the increased sensitivity associated with condomless sex... you get the idea.

Both are discouraged by modern educators.

Differences between assembly language and unprotected sex

Nerdy fifteen-year-old boys with no social skills can write machine code whenever they want.

People who write in assembler are often held in respectful awe by their lesser peers. Contraceptively challenged lovers are not.

Few people are brave enough to use assembler.

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