Ah... childish euphemisms, how I love thee.

Back in the days of yore, I had fancied a cute Romanian gal. She was a a grade higher than me, but only due to early enrollment in school. At the time, she had long black hair, which framed her oh-so-symmetrical face. Her eyes were big enough to be cup holders. She didn't appear to have many inhabitions, and we were flirting like old friends before I even knew her name.

Being the geek I am, I took forever to honestly show my fancy for her, yet spent every moment I could with her. Either in person, or on the phone. We didn't talk about much of importance. It was mostly just our hormones talking to each other through our mouths.

One day, she had to get her wisdom teeth removed. She could barely talk, but managed to tell me she was in quite a bit of pain. What could I do but offer her a gum massage?

In case you're wondering, I eventually did give her that gum massage.