Zartog

      I was born at an early age on the snowy banks of the Flint River, which luckily wasn't ablaze that evening. (It has been known to catch fire from time to time.) From an early age, my parents knew I was special; I've since developed a skill set that is both formidable and relevant, including chewing, walking without dragging a single knuckle, and hyperventilating while watching Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.
      Now a PhD student at a large, Midwestern University, I spend my time as a lowly TA and spend my time foraging for research projects, (meager) funding, and a single good night's sleep. I have a love/hate relationship with my cat, and a hate relationship with Pauly Shore. My goal in life is to pass the "red gun" legislation, in which people with above-average intelligence and common sense are allowed to carry a red gun, and any time these people see another person (or group of people) doing something really stupid or poorly-thought, they may immediately cap them, forever chlorinating the gene pool from their ilk.