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user since
Mon Jul 8 2002 at 21:30:39 (19.3 years ago )
last seen
Mon Apr 5 2004 at 03:16:38 (17.6 years ago )
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3 - View Zorak's writeups (feed)
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Born of a sloth hunter and his headhunter wife from Fiji in 1887, Erik lived a hard life of reading literary criticism and VCR user manuals until the age of 34, when, on one of the rare occasions his parents let him out of the lucky-sloth-foot factory in their basement, he found out that he was not an abnormally large and deformed rodent who merely thought he was a human. On discovering this, he ran away from home and began a life of adventure that would consume him for the next 64 years, journeying to such exotic locales as the grocery store, the train tracks and Uganda.

In 1985, in what was to be his final trip before retiring to a life of leisure, fame and arcade games, Erik found the lost Fountain of Youth on an unnamed Melanesian island. Drinking of the fountain instantly transported his consciousness into that of a young Thai male prostitute. However, using the wisdom garnered from a tribe of Canadians on one of his many trips to the wild untamed land that is Ontario, he escaped, finding his way to the U S of A, where he took up a profession of fighting crime, E. Honda, Sagat, Bebop and Rocksteady. Later, after the local arcade had closed and both his Nintendo Entertainment System and Super Nintendo Entertainment System had broken, he took up programming and began a journey of self discovery and cartoon-watching which made him the all American super-hero he is today.

Erik currently resides with his computer, PlayStation 2, Nintendo Gamecube, high-speed internet connection and trusty servant Torgo in his secret underground lair.