Yes, but
I've become convinced
that it's the most important thing that I can do.
Is that merely the childishness talking?
Is it just the sickness that has bored its way inside of me
desperate to keep its host and itself alive?
Or have I simply chosen my truth
I can do anything I put my mind to,
believe me I know. For as much as I've been told.
Nothing is beyond my grasp.
Nothing except a sustainable interest and satisfaction
in anything.
every single thing you ever gain is something you will lose
you're gonna lose it all, every last drop
it's only surfaces that we see
and that we touch
and we can't be together in any real or meaningful or sustainable way
not even for the ties that bind
that we might share the responsibility of a child
or have a ceremony where we exchange jewelry and dance
it doesn't make a difference, or if it does
it's only in your mind
and you will lose that too
the only ways in which we can truly connect is through experiences
whether shared experiences or independent experiences which another can relate to or at least understand
stories and times and each other's attention
this is all we have
But humility, is that within my grasp?
Is that something I can learn as I grow old,
as well as compassion,
patience, empathy, grace?
My inner Ebenezer, except
I would have to be a good person
for more than just once a year.
Listen, just
teach me how to not be such a sore fucking loser, okay?
Even when there's no one around.
If you can do that for me then I'll have
the last key that I should ever need.
May, 2024