Well now boys and girls, today I have been on E2 for 20 years. Which is kind of astonishing if you think about it. When I logged on as a smelly student bum on a slow Sunday lunchtime in the no longer extant Commonwealth Hall in London those four lustra ago, did I think I would still be posting here in two decades' time? I don't think I did. I thought that I'd bumble along for a couple of years then get bored with it. I actually thought this place would end up being defunct because that seemed to be the lot in life of most online spaces back then.

456 writeups later, here I am.

Of course, 2005 was now I look back at it the absolute high water mark of the web. Back then, effortposting was compulsory, pretty much, most online content was vaguely thoughty because the skill wall to post anything online filtered out the loudmouths and narcissists that would later become legion, and content farms were not really a thing to you weren't served with wall to wall clickbait, listicles, and slop. Back then, if someone disagreed with you they weren't generally accustomed to trawl all your previous posts looking for kompromat or send you death threats and rape threats or go squealing to your employer because you made them feel unsaaaaaaaafe. Back then, social media was in its infancy and was considered a salted-earth segment of the web where nothing really happens of value. Back then, I was a malodorous student at the Hole in the Strand. I had long hair and a beard that made me look like a sex offender. Now, I have shorter but floppy hair that won't behave and no beard because I realised it makes me look like a sex offender, and I'm 12 years qualified into my profession. Back then I was painfully single and desperate for just a sniff of female attention. Now, I'm divorced and thankful. Though getting my ashes hauled would be nice, I'm not going to abase myself for it. So, with this in mind I thought I would reflect on my progress as a noder, in statistics.

Highest Rated Writeup

Oh my. It's Fifty Shades of Grey (+71 rep, 12 chings.) This was where I became that bloke who excoriates bad erotica. I didn't intend to. I literally just asked in the catbox, recommend me an awful book to giggle at, and someone suggested 50SOG. I don't know. It feels like the high rating of this writeup is less about my take on it and more on the fundamentally and intrinsically ludicrous subject matter. It is, after all, a book which gave unto the world, "my inner goddess is hopping up and down. I can do this. I can fuck him with my mouth!" and "I'm a ho with dirty sex hair."

Second place is James Joyce's love letters to Nora Barnacle (+65 rep, 5 chings). Once again, I think the deadpan way I treated it was secondary to its subject matter.

Lowest Rated Writeup

It's Dykes (-10 rep, no chings). I'd forgotten that I'd written it as it happens. That deserves it frankly. It tried to spin out a one note joke way too long and it wasn't a very funny joke to begin with. Well deserved.

Second is Occupy Wall Street (-9 rep, 3 chings). I'm not such a fan of this one nowadays either. I stand by the fact that the Occupy movement was mostly middle classers indulging themselves and larping as oppressed but honestly? They kind of had a few good points a lot of the time. And I've more time for "the left" that formed the Occupy movement than the modern Western left, who are mostly grifters and luxury belief havers. I think this is probably deserved as well in all honesty.

Most Chinged Writeup

A tie! A tie! In the blue corner, is Slave Girl of Gor (+53 rep, 14 chings) and in the red corner is A Farewell to Legal Aid (+35 rep, 14 chings). Okay, once again Slave Girl of Gor is partly because of the ludicrous subject matter because it's the most nonsensical instalment of a series of novels that is known for being memetically bad and pandering to a particularly weird fanbase, though I do stand by my take on it. A Farewell to Legal Aid though, that really deserved it re-reading it. I was on fire that day.

Most Divisive Writeup

This I'm defining as the writeup that has the highest number of votes - not rep, pure numbers of people who clicked up or down on it - yet the rep is the closest to zero. And it's not the one you think it is either! That's in third place! The winner of this category is Fucking yes, I'm a fatphobe (57 votes, -2 rep, 4 chings). Oh, that caused significant, SIGNIFICANT, consternation that did, what with one of the responses to it being a sneering "ackchually" screed that doesn't actually address the issue and the second response writeup basically being a tantrum about how I'm a horrible, bad, and evil person with an undertone of "fight me irl" to it. Speaking of which, the original HARDEN THE FUCK UP (which doesn't qualify for this category by dint of being at +11 rep) caused one user to offer in the catbox to fight me irl they were so upset by it. I of course ignored them because engaging in physical violence with someone over something said online is infra dig.

In second place is Fifteen words about butt fucking (45 votes, -3 rep, no chings). Which I still stand by as actually funny, I'll have you know. But then again I still find Roger's Profanisaurus from Viz amusing, so I'm probably still immature enough for this.

Personal Favourite Writeup

No contest. A Farewell to Legal Aid. It is completely honest and thoroughly fair minded, even if it did cause my now ex wife who read it to accuse me of having "compassion fatigue" over it. She was right though; I do have compassion fatigue. Do you know how wearing it is to work for ingrates who demand that you bail them out of their own skill issues day after day? It's very tiresome indeed. Now I work for people who are mostly normies trying to get out of a sticky situation and they're so much more helpful and willing to work with you rather than aim as being your boss. The graph of "socioeconomic status of client" and "how difficult they are to deal with" is an inverted bell curve; both the people on the breadlines and the extremely wealthy (and I have represented both) are horrible to deal with for very similar reasons.

Recent writeups? Neisseria gonorrhoeae brexitensis (+16 rep, 4 chings). I miss that LieQuest this year isn't going to be making things up that sound like they're true, but about real life liars. I had a real corker planned for LieQuest this year. I might do it anyhow. As regards a known liar to node, well, I have an idea for that as well but I'm not sure I can summon up the arsedness to do the original research necessary to do the man justice.

Personal Least Favourite Writeup

Hmmm. Difficult. There's not that many things I've put on E2 that I don't stand behind at least a little bit still that I haven't already mentioned. I think if I had to pick, it would be We need to get you a girlfriend (+20 rep, no chings). It's GTKY. It isn't that incisive or interesting. It was me foaming about something personal in a way that was not really engaging. It's a blog post. No. Sorry.

Some Random Stats

I have noded on 7 different PCs since joining E2. The first was the Cool Laptop that I had in my first couple years as a student. Then I noded from Craptop I, Craptop II, and then when I moved to self built desktop PCs, from Ganymede, Ganymede II, Callisto, and Io. Most recently I've noded from my new PC, Hyperion. Yes, I name my computers. Don't @ me. Technically Ganymede through to Io were the same computer, I just upgraded repeatedly every component and then migrated my Windows installation across, like the Ship of Theseus but more stickily autismal. Hence the Jovian moons theme naming. Hyperion is a totally fresh build and Windows installation and I just put it together this weekend gone. Because totally fresh, it's now Saturnian moons.

I have been a member of E2 longer than I have not been. That's kind of astonishing. It also makes me feel old. Then again, the changing rooms at my gym make me feel old because there's often a clump of broccoli-haired zoomers talking in incomprehensible zoomer speak. Sigh. Us millennials are getting older and crustier by the day.

My most active year for noding was 2012 as I did IRON NODER that year and I was churning out bad novel reviews very regularly. Yeah baby. My least active years were 2018 and 2019 where I noded 0 times in both occasions. I recall that back then I thought E2 was finished so only came on sporadically. I noded a few times in 2020 but only where there was something I really wanted to do and because of lockdown I was bored enough. Nowadays I only node really for quests, if there's something to put in that I feel the wind blowing in the quarter over, or it's IRON NODER.

Okay, I'm going to have to address this now. Yes, I know the radical ideas I am about to espouse have likely occurred to others. I don't care.

Is Everything2 Moribund?

Going back to the statistical analysis, and spitballing totally unscientifically, I'd say probably yes.

In 2024 I did IRON NODER and I did it successfully the first time in over a decade. With one exception, the number of votes (both up and down) my writeups got that November were significantly lower than they were in 2023 and even lower still than in 2017 which was my previous attempt at IRON NODER. People just aren't logging on and voting so much as they used to and it's clearly the case that there are fewer active users by a long chalk. It's even worse this year. Look at the New Writeups bumper. We get less than one a day. And they're the same three or four people who do them.

This isn't how you sustain a community.

Given that the web nowadays is a hellscape of loudmouths and narcissists and shitposting and slop, I'd have thought this place could do well as an island of actual content. The effortpost only policy is totally worthwhile. Most people don't even know E2 exists and I think this needs to change. Also, you know how I mentioned being a crusty old millennial? I think I'm probably the youngest consistently active user on here at 39. I don't think this is sustainable either. It's just going to devolve into a load of old men shouting at clouds. That's not how you make a sustainable online community.

I mean, I get that we have to gatekeep the shitposters and foamers and bots and influencers, but come on.

Maybe the answer isn't "this place needs more actual content, let's begin" so much as "this place needs more actual users, let's begin."

I think I have some ideas for how I can do my part about that though. Hmmm. Watch this space.

Will I Still Be Noding in 2045?

Probably. Assuming this place lasts until then. I'll probably do the odd quest or try for IRON NODER again. That's always fun. I think if I can persuade other people to join our happy band then that might help. If not, I don't know. What I don't want to happen is to be the only person shouting into a void. That's too depressing for words.

Anyhow. That's about it really for today. I'm now going to go and eat some dinner and then do a spot of lifting because the battle against flabberousness is never over.