I feel like venting again, but i really lack the energy. A lot of the things that used to give me pleasure or release no longer do, and venting takes too much energy for me to be willing to write it all down. Writing is no longer the release for me that it once was; whereas I used to delight in noding little things I'd learned, or that intrigued me, i have lost that spark, and even reading here on E2 lacks the pull it once had. it used to be that I'd pull up New Writeups to people noding their homework, writing about things that could draw me down a rabbit hole. have I changed, or has E2?
Okay, one small vent. When did people stop having situational awareness? I was parking my car, you know, in a car park, and I had to stop twice for nitwits who walked directly into my path. Both times I spotted them before any collision happened, but i tire of having to think for other people, and a part of me wishes I could just nudge them out of the way as I do with abandoned shopping trolleys. Sadly that's illegal and nasty, and that's not really who i am. Who I am is the guy who pulled himself out of his car to shout at them for being SO FUCKING OBLIVIOUS that they wander around a car park without taking care to note what's happening around them. it's basic survival, people, it's how the human race was able to survive, evolve and thrive. Fuck off back home and sink into your couch to doomscroll or whatever you were doing that was so important that I had to haul myself painfully out of my damned car to take care of your useless hide and berate you for having to.
Which brings me to pain. Everything still hurts. getting into and out of the car, putting on my seatbelt, all these things hurt. Getting up out of a chair is still a painful strain. grinding coffee is wearying. I'm tiring of always having to plan my next move and arranging myself to minimize my future discomfort. My sternum is healing, but if I twist a certain way, or reach up or across my chest, I'm still reminded that just a few weeks ago, a group of people cracked my chest open to operate on me. In this state i am unable to work, yet the medical bills roll in and i call them to tell them that I'm choosing to pay rent again this month, so please wait. None of the billers like that response, but what can i do? Stop paying rent? Landlords hate that and I cannot imagine living in my car for the months it will take to be fully fit for work again. So medical bills will pile up and I'm not answering the phone for any number that is not in my contacts list.
I said I wasn't going to vent and I did. Damnit. but it hasn't done me any good, I'm still angry and scared and I'm not the only one. Our weroland is doubtless battling with his own health worries and i am trying to support him; which i am more than willing to do, it's not a hardship or a heavy burden. I'm still a caring soul, even in the midst of my own worries about the future. Each one of us has something weighing down on us, whether it's health or financial or family-related. If you're feeling down, let me know, I have two ears, and who knows, it may help to talk about shit.
I can think of little I want to write about. Maybe I have a draft almost ready to post. Maybe I don't. if I do, I'll post it warts and all. If not, you'll have to wait for the Brevity Quest, coming soon to a February near you. Writing 300 words is easy, i encourage you all to join me then do just that.
Update: i found three. everything is story, rolling release and distro hopping.
$ xclip -o | wc -w
671