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"I don't know if you are trying, to upset me, love," he says, "I doubt it, but that's the effect it's having."

And what do I say?

I say "Sorry", of course.

I am not trying to upset him.

I spend my time dancing round subjects simply to avoid upsetting him. It's a complicated dance, too, because I have promised not to lie to him, ever.

I don't tell him how much it hurts me to hear about his other lover constantly.

Sometimes, I tell him about the problems in my life, but I make them light and humorous anecdotes. I don't show them as the heavy weights they are, dragging me down, quite often into bleak despair.

I can't hide I'm down, sometimes, but when he asks why, I can pass it off with a "tired", which heaven knows is true. The reasons behind my tiredness don't need explaining.

I don't tell him how much I want him, how much my body aches for him, how much my heart and mind yearn for him to show some desire, when I can see he's stressed, and strained and in need of undemanding affection.

I never question him when he says "I love you", however hard it gets to believe it . And I try not even to think "I wish I didn't" when I tell him I love him too.

Trying to upset him? If only I had to try!

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