So Goofy has a son.
You thought he'd gotten married and had a kid the normal way, didn't you? And his wife mysteriously vanished?
WRONG! His son is a construct, made out of old crab-meat cans and the souls of all the dead parents in the Disney canon.
Goofy knew. He knew he could never have a son like the others. Not in the normal way. He knew the curse Disney had laid upon the world, that all parents of heroes would die early. And Disney had smiled upon him, had made him Someone. Goofy knew his son would be a hero, like him.
But he so desperately wanted a child of his own.
So he forswore the company of others, and retreated into the darkness of his lab, deep below the earth, and there, by mysterious alchemical processes, he made his son, his heir. His son would not be a hero after all. Goofy made sure of that. The destiny of those who are made of crab tins is small, and amusing, never to rise above the morass of the ordinary.
But then -- Disney smiled upon Goofy once more.
The next day his son hijacked the school assembly and flew on a rope above the crowd. He was waking up after all. He was becoming increasingly difficult to contain. Goofy saw his days numbered, ticking down, a calendar with only a few pages left.
The solution? Something goofy. Something stupid. Something ordinary. Something where he could keep an eye on the boy. A father-son road trip! The role of the Bumbling Dad was one he knew well. He would keep the boy out of trouble, make him look goofy, dash his hopes. As he must. Anything to survive. He would die of old age, and he would cheat his smiling benefactor. He would break the curse.
And then, there was his Son on stage with a rock star, a place that should have made him look like a fool -- to the whole world, no less -- and there he was, dancing like a champion, a hero (no, no, it couldn't be, please let it not be), singing moves Goofy had taught his son. Moves for fishing, of all things. Perfectly ordinary. Should have been ordinary. The boy was a hero and he was ruining everything.
And then, he was off to college, and out of his father's hands. He followed his son there, attempting to foil his ambitions, but to no avail. The boy would become great. Disney was smiling once again.
Calmly, sitting out under the gathering stormclouds, Goofy awaited the end.